Stay Connected
Atlanta Black Star/featured
featuredLifestyleThe Center

My Father and I Were Estranged, But My Siblings Want Me To Split His Funeral Costs with Them

Posted byBy ABS Contributor | Published on: CommentsComments (0)

I was raised by my mother, who was a single parent. One day last year, I received a Facebook message from a woman who was trying to find me for her husband. We set up a time to have a phone call, and when I got on the phone, I heard the voice of my father for the very first time at the age of 31.

My father and I decided to meet in person at a coffee shop the following week. We had a conversation that lasted for hours and ended with him apologizing to me for having been missing in action all my life. He admitted that because I was conceived out of wedlock, he couldn’t bring me around his family or my siblings. He also told me that he suffered from mental issues that he struggled with and had never really gotten a handle on.

My College Roommate and I Used To Crash Funerals and Repasts to Ensure That We Ate.
Stock image of a man at a funeral. (Photo: Pexels.com)

Unfortunately, not long after my father connected me with my siblings, he passed away.

I was more devastated than I thought I would be by his passing. My siblings reached out, and we got together to talk about the funeral and the costs associated with it. I was shocked that they expected me to chip in when I had only known the man for a matter of months.

I went home to process everything and decided it was tacky and rude for them to expect me to make a financial contribution.

The oldest of our siblings, my sister Shay, was very vocal about the fact that I needed to contribute. She sent me an email with a breakdown of all the costs and the amount that would be my responsibility. I kindly responded and politely declined to take part in giving money toward the funeral costs.

I was later asked not to show up to the service. Should I stand my ground and miss my father’s funeral or give money, although he never supported me financially while he was alive?   

Read the original story here.

The Center gets to the heart of the lifestyle, parenting, relationships and finance conversations impacting the culture. Convene here to express and share personal and poignant points of view that arise in everyday life.

Send us your queries to [email protected] and let our readers offer some perspectives on how to navigate these conversations.

Trending Lifestyle NOW:

Democracy needs journalism it can trust.

This election season, the stakes are higher than usual — and so is the pressure on newsrooms to soften their coverage, stay quiet, or just disappear. Independent reporting, the kind that answers to readers instead of advertisers or political pressure, matters more in a moment like this, not less.

For over 14 years, Atlanta Black Star has stayed independent and reader-funded. We have no corporate owner and no shareholders telling us what to cover or how to cover it. That independence is also our biggest vulnerability: nothing protects it except readers choosing to fund it directly.

Newspaper ad revenue has fallen more than 80% since 2005, and local newsrooms are closing at a rate of roughly two a week nationwide. When outlets go under in a moment like this, it's rarely the independent, reader-funded ones that get to stick around.

We know a request for support isn't why you came here. But without readers choosing to fund this work directly, the depth of reporting we can do at home and abroad shrinks along with everyone else's. If you're not in a position to give, that doesn't change how much we value you as a reader.

If you are able to, a recurring contribution does more for us than a single one-time gift, because it lets us plan the next investigation instead of just the next invoice. It takes about 30 seconds, no long form, no account. Thank you for continuing to support independent journalism and freedom of the press.

Give once Give monthly Support another way

Related Stories

Back to top