If you lost a parent and your other parent remarried, is it wrong to not remove photos of your deceased parent from social media?
A Reddit user wants to know if they are in the wrong for not taking down pictures of their deceased mother on Instagram simply because his stepmother doesn’t like to see them.
The person posted in the popular subreddit AITA, which stands for “Am I The A—hole,” where users describe a personal situation in the channel before the community votes if the user is indeed an a—hole or not.
In this particular story, the Reddit writer says their dad remarried a woman three years after the Reddit user’s biological mother died. When the stepmother, who we’ll call Jen, moved in, she didn’t hide the fact that she didn’t like seeing photos of her husband’s ex-wife. Jen reportedly made the Reddit user, who is the oldest, and their twin younger siblings hide pictures of their mother.
“We had to remove all photos of Mom from the house,” the Reddit user writes. “We were allowed one photo that couldn’t be easily seen in each of our bedrooms. But it had to blend in so Jen wouldn’t see the photos when our doors were open (a rule in Dad’s house).”
The Reddit user says the one positive amid the cruel circumstances is their dad let them maintain a healthy relationship with their maternal family, mainly for babysitting purposes.
“Dad keeping that relationship going is one of the only reasons I don’t completely hate him for putting Jen’s comfort so far ahead of ours,” the Reddit user adds.
While the children had to follow their dad’s rules in the home he shared with Jen, the rules didn’t matter at their grandparents’ and aunts’ homes, where many pictures were displayed of their late daughter and sister.
“When Jen became aware of that, she got so annoyed,” the Reddit user said. “She tried to confront one of my aunts about it and said it wasn’t healthy for us to see photos of our dead mother everywhere, and my aunt told her to mind her own f—g business.”
Since then, the Reddit user has taken photos of their mother from grandparents and aunts and posted them on social media.
“Lately, I have been using my social media to see photos of my mom again and to share stuff about our family, when we were an actual family and not just three siblings who basically lost their dad in most ways after their mom died.”
It’s become a sore spot for Jen, who is now demanding the Reddit user remove the photos online. Jen’s demands come after the Reddit user said she triggered her by posting three photos of their family with their mom and the “happy memories” they all once shared.
“She told me to stop posting photos of Mom and to take down the family post,” the Reddit user said. She said I was disobeying her and my dad by posting them.
The dad stepped in and asked for the photos to be taken down.
“I told him no. He left it there, but Jen said I’m posting them to spite her, and that’s wrong,” the Reddit user added. “She told me she deserves more respect than that.”
Who Is In The Wrong?
The vote from the Reddit community is the user is not the a—hole, and it’s the stepmother who needs a grip on reality.
“Jen cannot expect your mom’s memories to just be forgotten like that because she doesn’t like it,” said one Reddit user. “You’re allowed to remember her, and you’re allowed to cherish her memories. How insecure does one have to be to be jealous in such a way.”
“There’s no reason that you shouldn’t have memories of your mother around,” said another user. “You and your father are obviously and understandably grieving the loss of your mother.”
Other people say the Reddit user isn’t going far enough with being petty.
“I mean…is there any chance you can get ahold of your parent’s wedding video?” one user asks.
“Create a Facebook group for which you are the only admin. Name the group ‘Friends and Family of your Mom’s name.’ Invite your Mom’s friends and family members to join it, share memories, and upload pictures in the group,” a Reddit user suggests.
