The Center gets to the heart of the lifestyle, parenting, relationships and finance conversations impacting the culture. Convene here to express and share personal and poignant points of view that arise in everyday life.
I’m a successful, professional woman in my early 30’s, happily married with no children.
Up until recently, my husband and I have mostly traveled the world enjoying a true “young couple in love” experience. It was by design that we took the time and money to do so before we decide to get pregnant and move into the next phase of our lives.
My husband and I both have well-paying jobs. He’s been a systems engineer with the same company for the last seven years. I’m an operations manager at a large IT firm.
Last week I was offered a promotion to vice president of operations with more than a $30,000 increase in salary. I was elated! To see the fruits of my labor come full circle is gratifying, to say the least.
My father died when I was 12. After his death, my stable home turned upside down, and my mother struggled to provide for me and my younger siblings. I vowed never to be in a position where I couldn’t maintain my lifestyle with or without a husband.
Needless to say, I was hesitant to share the news with my husband who’s been eager for me to miss a cycle to start our family within the next year. He says we’ve enjoyed our coupledom long enough, and now it’s time to make room for others.
It doesn’t help that two of our closest married friends just started their families within a year of each other. But their wives aren’t on the same career track as I am. Plus I don’t feel secure enough. I don’t feel like I’ve saved up enough to account for our current lifestyle and possible new additions.
I am truly torn, I love my husband and absolutely want to have his children, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t equally enjoy the thrill of making well into six figures, buying beautiful things, taking our travel to the next level and just enjoying all of what life has to offer.
After a sleepless night, I told my husband in the morning. I came prepared with a revised family-starter plan, sprinkled with all the luxuries we can continue to enjoy and some stats about more women having children later in life.
My well-thought-out presentation did not go as planned. My husband called me selfish and even accused me of tricking him into marrying me because I knew that he’d always wanted children, and if I don’t really want children, I should just say so.
I lost control and accused him of trying to control me, trying to limit my potential and wanting me to depend on him solely – my childhood trauma came rushing back. I felt disgusted with myself. Never mind that I’ve secretly remained on birth control since we began our plan to conceive.
My mother wasn’t much help. Here I am trying to avoid the hardships and struggles she experienced, and she’s instead outright telling me I’m out of my mind if I take this promotion and risk losing my husband. She would give anything to have a life with my father again, no matter the lifestyle.
Now I’m at a crossroads. My husband wants a separation, and I must decide if I want to risk losing my marriage or risk losing myself.
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NOTE: This story has been edited for clarity and grammar.
