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I’m a successful, professional woman in my early 30’s, happily married with no children.
Up until recently, my husband and I have mostly traveled the world enjoying a true “young couple in love” experience. It was by design that we took the time and money to do so before we decide to get pregnant and move into the next phase of our lives.
My husband and I both have well-paying jobs. He’s been a systems engineer with the same company for the last seven years. I’m an operations manager at a large IT firm.
Last week I was offered a promotion to vice president of operations with more than a $30,000 increase in salary. I was elated! To see the fruits of my labor come full circle is gratifying, to say the least.
My father died when I was 12. After his death, my stable home turned upside down, and my mother struggled to provide for me and my younger siblings. I vowed never to be in a position where I couldn’t maintain my lifestyle with or without a husband.
Needless to say, I was hesitant to share the news with my husband who’s been eager for me to miss a cycle to start our family within the next year. He says we’ve enjoyed our coupledom long enough, and now it’s time to make room for others.
It doesn’t help that two of our closest married friends just started their families within a year of each other. But their wives aren’t on the same career track as I am. Plus I don’t feel secure enough. I don’t feel like I’ve saved up enough to account for our current lifestyle and possible new additions.
I am truly torn, I love my husband and absolutely want to have his children, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t equally enjoy the thrill of making well into six figures, buying beautiful things, taking our travel to the next level and just enjoying all of what life has to offer.
After a sleepless night, I told my husband in the morning. I came prepared with a revised family-starter plan, sprinkled with all the luxuries we can continue to enjoy and some stats about more women having children later in life.
My well-thought-out presentation did not go as planned. My husband called me selfish and even accused me of tricking him into marrying me because I knew that he’d always wanted children, and if I don’t really want children, I should just say so.
I lost control and accused him of trying to control me, trying to limit my potential and wanting me to depend on him solely – my childhood trauma came rushing back. I felt disgusted with myself. Never mind that I’ve secretly remained on birth control since we began our plan to conceive.
My mother wasn’t much help. Here I am trying to avoid the hardships and struggles she experienced, and she’s instead outright telling me I’m out of my mind if I take this promotion and risk losing my husband. She would give anything to have a life with my father again, no matter the lifestyle.
Now I’m at a crossroads. My husband wants a separation, and I must decide if I want to risk losing my marriage or risk losing myself.
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NOTE: This story has been edited for clarity and grammar.
4 thoughts on “Am I Being Selfish? My Husband Wants to Leave Me After I Secretly Postponed Our Plans to Have a Baby for a Six-Figure Job”
Well I think a well educated woman like you should figure out how you can have both. Your husband is right in saying you are selfish. Frankly you have been deceiving him. No amount of money you save can get you ready for a child. Just do it. Some men would have gone outside the marriage long time to have a child
You have a good husband, learn to make him happy. Money is not everything. The more you have the more you want. Get your family started and I bet, you will be able to keep your career too
Absolute liar, let him find the woman that see deserves him, because it is not you! Confess and let him go! And don’t even date again until you’re mature enough to tell the truth, Jesus!
1. She has been lying to her husband by taking the birth control pills.
2. She doesn’t want children, her husband does.
3. She is willing to pretend she wants kids by saying she will have them later, putting her life at risk if it does happen.
4. She is not in the marriage as a codependent.
5. The husband should find a woman who wants what he wants.
Lady, they are going to put on your tombstone. “I worked too many hours, that’s why no one else’s name is next to mine.”
You are lying and deceitful. Tell him the truth. That your love of $ and your ego are more important than his love, then let him decide if you are worthy of it.