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Did She Cheat on Me? I Was Prepared to Propose to My Girlfriend Until I Witnessed Her Complete Breakdown After Learning That an Ex-Boyfriend Who Broke Her Heart Has Cancer

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My girlfriend’s heart belongs to her ex, and I fear she may have been unfaithful.  

My girlfriend has an ex-boyfriend that is a proverbial thorn in my side. She grew up with him in the same neighborhood, and they started dating when she was a freshman in college. They dated for four or five years and broke up after she graduated and entered the workforce where she met me. From what I know he got caught cheating and went on to get engaged to the other woman that same year, but their relationship ended up falling apart after having a child.

Stock image of a close-up of a man holding an engagement ring in a jewelry box. (Photo: Getty Images)

My lady and I have had a whirlwind romance, and I truly believe getting with me helped her get over the pain of what happened with her ex. We fell in love quickly, so much so that we’re currently saving money for a trip to Mexico where I fully intend to propose.

However, just recently my girlfriend received some bad news from her mother regarding her ex-boyfriend by way of his mother. He was recently diagnosed with throat cancer.  

When my girlfriend initially received the news she was inconsolable and didn’t eat or drink anything for days. Although I understand that cancer is a serious condition, I was taken aback by her response to the news, and it really started making me question where her heart is.

Even before the cancer diagnosis, my girlfriend’s mother was not shy about being a major fan of the ex-boyfriend. My girl’s mother and her ex’s mother are best friends, so her mother is constantly trying to find ways for them to cross paths, including inviting him to family gatherings and holiday parties.

Last Thanksgiving, he showed up unannounced, at least to me, for dinner at my girl’s mother’s house. I kept it cordial, but her mother made it her business to go on and on about her ex’s plan to save to buy his own barbershop and how good he is at cutting hair. She totally ignored the fact that I had just gotten a promotion that contributes to the wealth in her daughter’s household.

This is totally disrespectful to me in my opinion, but at the time I couldn’t really blame my girlfriend because she wasn’t the culprit. It was her mother. But now that my girlfriend’s mother has spilled the beans about her ex’s health challenge, my girlfriend has forgotten all about the pain her ex caused her and is going out of her way to be helpful and available to him.  

Shot of a young man looking anxious at home (Photo: Getty Images)

I’ve never loved a woman as much as I love her, and I’ve been doing everything in my power to make sure she is happy and that we have a good future together. However, my girlfriend’s actions are putting a strain on our relationship.

I don’t want to come off as insensitive or cold, but at the same time, I feel it’s inappropriate for my girlfriend to be spending as much time as she is thinking about, talking about, and being with her ex. She’s missing dinner dates, she comes home tired after visiting him straight from work, and she isn’t her usual loving, affectionate self with me.

I don’t see why she would be mulling over a guy who cheated on her when we have lived a drama-free and comfortable life together. And now I’m wondering if she was ever over him and whether their relationship truly ended.

Not to mention I just found out that my girlfriend took money from our joint trip account and gave it to her ex to help him pay for his treatment. We had an explosive fight about it, and my girlfriend was extremely nonchalant about the matter like I am supposed to be OK with all of this.

How do I reconcile the fact that my woman is showing so much love to not only another man but her ex? And should I continue with my plan to propose or propose that we go our separate ways? 

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NOTE: This story has been edited for clarity and grammar.

What people are saying

2 thoughts on “Did She Cheat on Me? I Was Prepared to Propose to My Girlfriend Until I Witnessed Her Complete Breakdown After Learning That an Ex-Boyfriend Who Broke Her Heart Has Cancer

  1. Demtri says:

    Alot to unpack here. Based on today’s society any action you take would be seen as you being insensitive, insecure/jealous.

    1) She never really got over her ex to begin with, he cheated on her and she didn’t get to resolve all parts of that relationship. You came along, a nice distraction and the two of you began something out of that rebound.

    2) Your partner’s parents, we sometimes don’t realise how they can impact things. Her mom going out of her way to make sure their paths cross, inviting the ex to thanks giving, praising him in your presence etc. Yes it’s disrespect and as much as you say your girlfriend isn’t to blame she also has a part to play in this. All of those things your girlfriend at any point could of told her mom that it’s not appropriate or not cool. To not invite the ex to those things and to respect her relationship with you. I have not seen that mentioned so I’d take it as she has not done such.

    3) I’m pretty sure the mom giving your girlfriend that news was just that extra push to get them to be in the same space etc. Now there is nothing wrong with your girlfriend wanting to show support for her ex based purely on what he is currently going through. But there is another thing where plans are canceled and attention is going solely there.

    4) Her taking some of the money from the joint account is unacceptable. Her reaction towards it always shows you exactly how she feels as well. She thinks you should just understand and also she doesn’t care how you feel because if she did BEFORE she took the money she would of came to you and talked to you about what she wanted to do. Regardless of her trying to be there for her ex who hasn’t been in her life for however long, at no point were YOUR feelings taken into account. How you felt about it, if she needed your support, nothing.

    So to answer the question, NO, do not continue to plan for any proposal. Have a conversation with her explaining how you feel about all that has taken place. Her reaction to that conversation will answer the question about the two of your futures..

  2. Marvin Jordan says:

    I would have cut her off long ago. She doesn’t respect you and that is no way to start a relationship. LET HER GO.

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