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‘We’re Brothers, We Share Everything’: My Fraternity Leader Slept with My Girlfriend. I’m Told to Just Deal with It Because Crossing Could Secure My Future Success.

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It’s my sophomore year in college in Georgia, and my best friend has reached his goal of crossing over and joining a popular Greek fraternity at our school. Becoming a frat boy was never my thing, and I have no issues with my friend choosing that path, but he spent all Christmas break trying to convince me to pledge the upcoming spring.

I was finally convinced when he explained the huge network I could tap into by pledging. I was already known on campus for throwing parties, and I want to get into the music business. According to my friend, he had heard a bit of buzz within the frat that I was being scouted to be a recruit for the upcoming line.

Stock photo: (Visual Vic/Getty Images)

One weekend, several of the Bruhs from the frat invited me and some of my friends to a party. They assured me they could get me a meeting with a big dog who was also a member of the fraternity and a prominent figure in the music industry. This was a win-win for me because I was pursuing becoming an artist.

The guys came through, and a meeting took place two weeks later. It was more than promising, but they also made it clear that the next steps would be contingent upon me making it through and crossing over into the fraternity. I was impressed but still hesitant. I talked it over with my girlfriend Lana who was intimately familiar with Greek lifestyle. Her father and grandfather are both in a fraternity, and she knew how deep their networks could run. I decided officially to pursue Greek status.

Lana and I are really close. We’ve been together since a chance meeting at a party last year where we shot pool and just really clicked. She was doing a double line, pledging to become a member of a coed service fraternity as well as pursuing status as a “sweetheart,” which basically sounded like young women who entertained the fraternity I was looking to join.

I personally thought she was way too fine to demean herself in that manner, but she was into it, so I figured if she liked it, I loved it. We were both pledging and going through it.

Things progressed quickly once my line was selected. We were lined up from shortest to tallest and were examined like specimens. It felt like we were slaves on an auction block — it just felt wrong.

Then we went through this whole procession of choosing an “ace” — which is determined by height (the shortest guy leads the pledges). First I was identified as the “ace,” but an hour later after standing shoulder to shoulder with a line brother, it was decided that I was a hair too tall and became the deuce instead. That minor change would change everything for me. As the deuce, instead of my best friend being my Dean of Pledges or DP over me, it was now another guy named Greg.

Greg is about 25 and what you would consider to be a super senior. He isn’t friendly, is difficult and overly demanding, but constantly pumps rhetoric about brotherhood and bonding. We’ve had to do things like go get him food at odd hours, wash his clothes, and even let him use our vehicles.

Greg seems to really have it out for me, and it’s gotten to a point where it’s become unreasonable. One day he forced some of my line brothers to go to the ATM and take money out to give to him.

He confiscated our cellphones and made us walk around the perimeter of the campus just to get to a class a few feet away. He also doesn’t allow walking on the grass after 3 p.m.

As Hell Week finally arrived, I was reaching my true limit. They turn up the hazing heat, and the pressure builds to a point where only the strong survive. We were kept up until 6 or 7 in the morning and then had to go straight to class from the frat house, only to return after class to continue to be hazed. I was exhausted.

The culmination of it all is Hell Night, the last night of Hell Week.

On that particular night, the Frat guys were having a heated conversation about how I should have been “the ace” instead of the “deuce” and how the current ace wasn’t built for the task to lead. Out of nowhere, one of the frat guys became so angry that he clotheslined the ace, sending him flying backward over the couch where he lay motionless.

Eventually, I ran over to him and realized he was alive but couldn’t move at all. Those dudes, including Greg, got scared and started to flee like roaches do when the lights come on. I was nervous too but wasn’t going to leave my brother on the floor all alone. People were clamoring over one another to get away from the scene; meanwhile, you could hear police and ambulance sirens off in the distance.

He ended up being hospitalized that night with some sort of fracture. After being questioned by the police along with my other line brothers, all I wanted to do was find a place of comfort. We were instructed not to talk to anyone but each other about what really happened. Instead of going home, I went straight to Lana’s apartment.

When I got there, her roommate cracked the door and told me Lana was sick and didn’t want company. I sidestepped her and walked up to Lana’s bedroom door. As I was knocking, I turned the knob and opened it to find Lana and Greg wrapped up in her bed.

I saw mouths moving, but I could hardly hear anything the way my heart was pounding. The only thing I heard in my mind was Greg saying to me, “We’re brothers; we share everything.”

Eventually, I heard sounds again, and it was Lana saying, “You knew what it was.”

I guess she was right, I just didn’t want to admit to myself that Lana belonged to the frat, that she was their property.

After months of the police completing an investigation over the incident involving the pledge, I learned that our line was going to be brought back to cross. The decision to leave Lana was an easy one, but I find myself conflicted about moving ahead with crossing. Even the brother who was injured is back to complete his crossing.

With my future being the biggest thing to think about, this question is on my mind: Should I cross in order to gain access to the network that could help my success in the music industry or should I cut my losses because of what happened with Greg and Lana?

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NOTE: This story has been edited for clarity and grammar.

What people are saying

17 thoughts on “‘We’re Brothers, We Share Everything’: My Fraternity Leader Slept with My Girlfriend. I’m Told to Just Deal with It Because Crossing Could Secure My Future Success.

  1. Ethelyn Cox says:

    You can’t be that stupid that is a cult not a fraternity. Same you lines don’t cross. You all are that desperate to fit. Learn how to love yourself. People will do what you allow them to do. You don’t know your worth. You don’t belong to anyone but God. You are nothing but a slave. Your spirit told you not to and you listen to the devil.

  2. Denise Lee says:

    Don’t cross. Quit keep your dignity.

  3. Regina letman says:


  4. Frank White says:

    That’s a terrible blow but that’s not how it goes. His big brother, DP or frat brother went against the code. Wife, sisters, girlfriends are off limits. LOYALTY suppose to out weigh everything. Lana went against the code as a girlfriend. She would be nothing to me. He should complete the process of crossing since he made it that far. He made it through Hell week so the ritual of crossing should be a no brainer. His DP would be in that same box as Lana. It’s about rules, boundaries and parameters that you don’t break. You don’t share your girlfriend sexually with your Big brother or other frat brothers or line brothers. I would hold Lana and the DP responsible because both of them went against the code. But of their responses were classless. Just SAD… 🤔🖕🏾😤🤨

  5. Charles Butler says:

    Call the National HQ report these thugs. They are not brothers they predators. Get a new girl friend

  6. Reebe Jarrett says:

    They were all ready in a relationship..before he got on the line. She gets guys Sri join she is the Bate girl for the frat’s

  7. Dee says:

    My Son went through this crap too with the Kappa’s (yes I am calling them out @ FAMU). His DP wanted him to set him up with his Sister (my Daughter). He told him “NO” and abruptly quit. I asked Him about whether He wanted to join a graduate chapter; He explicitly told me “NO” He has no desire to be apart of any Greek organization period.

  8. Tj says:

    Some brother – some girlfriend.

    Walk away from both.


  9. ZETAGIRL66 says:

    As a 31 year member of a Greek organization what happened was way beyond anything. Things like this is why our organizations are being kicked off campuses, have multi million dollar lawsuits etc. The girlfriend is trash, that dude who clothes lined that pledge should be brought up on charges. I would tell you to continue your process. Because that one fool does NOT represent the good that the D9 does in the community. Nor does he represent the majority of members. He is just a sick, shallow individual. His actions should not make you miss out on the other life long friends, network connections, community engagement and all around fun you will have. Not to mention the absolute great revenge to that fool and that ex when you become one of the most successful members of the organization and the fawning they will do! Lol Yup I am that person who will win DESPITE the traps you set for me and EXCEL just to watch you squirm.

  10. Rod C. says:

    He is not a Brother. Both of them are broken human beings. Don’t allow their brokenness to ruin your college or fraternity experience.

    1. Finish pledging. Greek life is lifelong.
    2. Use your connections to get into the music industry.
    3. Then write that book and movie about your college, romantic, and fraternal experience.

    Turn that story into a Blockbuster Movie and make millions. Spike Lee did.

  11. Loretta Nunn says:

    Run as quit and fast as you can don’t sell your soul to the devil that’s a cult all day brother wake up

  12. eugene h. williams says:

    Hard to believe. I’ve been in my org for 34 years. “Lana” wasn’t really yopur girlfriend to start. And Greg never had YOUR best interest. This isn’t the way things work. There’s a “code”

  13. Cafie M Doucette says:

    You know everytime I hear about Fraternies or Sororities, arw a cult, demonic, and use the bible to make their case.These Sororities, Fraternies, was the ROCK BACK IN THE DAY. They Helped the communities through rough times, While making all kinds of histories and Legacies.

  14. Anonymous says:

    So many times we hear about the things.People get hurt and lessons aren’t learned RUN! If you believe in God he will open doors for you.See what has happened so far? We warned you.Good luck.If you cross there’s no turning back and in the twinkling of an eye your life may be changed for the worse.RUN!

  15. Pamela B Tucker says:

    That was low of him and especially her.Being a member of frat doesn’t entails sleeping with your pleedgees girlfriend real lowdown I could never have is back.She is disgusting be glad she’s gone.

  16. First and foremost, ignore the dribble about “fraternities are cults”. You didn’t come here for that nonsense.

    I find it interesting that your position on line determined who your DP is/was. The DP in my Frat is THE DP….of the entire line. But this story isn’t about me or my Frat, obvlously.

    You are/were pledging to become a brother of _ _ _ Fraternity, not to be a part of this Greg character. …or limited to being a part of that chapter.

    Continue your process, Lana is old news and Greg will be a member in your fraternity with whom you won’t associate. There is no guarantees that one will love or like everyone in their fraternity or sorority. HELL….We all have family members that we don’t like too tough…!!

  17. First, that Lana decision, stop crying, man you lucky you found out before you did something that was foolish, like Marriage. Secondly, it’s no secret, pledging is hard and unfair, so is life! The back stabbing is brutal in the real world and especially in the cut throat business of music, learn to live with defeat, then rise again. Yes! The contact are real. I join a grad chapter, every guy in there was a millionaire in there own right. Ok, you guess it, I’m a millionaire now to, passing down that same mentorship. (Keep your head up).

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