While we now know the marriage between Tamar Braxton and Vincent Herbert is on the rocks, Braxton believes the split may have been caused by their excessive time together. During the Thursday, Nov. 30 episode of “Tamar & Vince,” Braxton wondered to her then-husband if their lives should be so intertwined.
“Vince, do you wish someone would have told us about the dangers of velcro?” she asked. “I wish someone would have sat us down and talked to us about the danger of velcro. Velcro, like when you’re always around the person, you don’t do nothing without the person. When you’re around somebody all of the time, 24/7, how do you grow? How do you still be the same person, the person they fell in love with?”
As it turns out, Braxton and Herbert have different ideas of what their marriage should look like. He felt the two should want to be around each other “all of the time.” But Braxton felt such closeness meant “you lose your individuality.”
“Once somebody stops looking at you as an individual, sometimes they lose their respect for you,” she said. “You don’t want that.”
It’s true, the couple has had a very close relationship since 2003, when Braxton’s sister Toni introduced Tamar to the music executive. The duo later went from keeping things professional to romantic and they got married five years later. In 2012, they began documenting their union on their WeTV reality show.
Hasani Pettiford of Couples Academy told Atlanta Black Star that a strong bond is necessary for a union to work.
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“Friendship is the foundation of all healthy relationships, period point blank,” Pettiford said. “In marriage, there are going to be seasons when you slip in and out of love, there are going to be seasons where you just don’t like your partner or the in love feeling withers and wanes. And if you don’t have a foundation that anchors or supports your relationship, which is friendship, I think that you’re in trouble. ”
While friendship is the basis of any good relationship, your dynamics will determine if your relationship will last. According to Pettiford, all couples have different chemistry.
“Every couple deals with each other differently,” he told Atlanta Black Star. “Some people can work together flawlessly, other people would kill each other if they were around each other too long. So I think what works for one couple may not work for another couple and you need to understand the dynamics of your relationship.”
Whether Braxton and Vince had a clear understanding of their own dynamics isn’t known, but there are ways everyday spouses can learn to grow together — not apart.
One way to keep the union strong is to map out goals the two of you can share together. Certified counselor Jonathan Bennett told Brit + Co. while citing a study that doing events like a marathon or bike race can be particularly beneficial.
“Shared goals that a couple can work toward help give a relationship greater purpose,” Bennett said. “Also, the time spent achieving those goals helps the couple strengthen their bond.”
Another way to strengthen a marriage is to take a vacation together.
“It’s easy to get washed away in the other pulls of life,” relationship expert April Masini said. “When you plan a vacation together, take it together, and remember it afterward together, you’re building strength in your marriage.”