Comedian DeRay Davis has not one but two live in girlfriends. “Living with two women in a polyamorous relationship is perfectly fine, and people shouldn’t be shocked that it works,” Davis said during a recent stop on the daytime talk show “The Real.”
At the moment, he’s in a relationship and lives with two women, 26-year-old Caro Peguero and 24-year-old Coco Crawford and the union was captured on the Oxygen docu-series “Living with Funny” last year.
On “The Real,” Davis said that everyone in his household lives harmoniously, and he shunned the playboy image that some people may have of him.
“I’ve been with one for about five years, the other one for almost two and half years now,” he explained. “They’re very comfortable, ’cause I’m very open. I don’t make it where it’s all, ‘Oooh, look what I’m doing.’ I’m not a player.”
Davis also said that he isn’t interested in marrying either one of the women. Instead, he said, “I’d rather they marry each other, and I’ll just be with both of them.”
The comedian’s Oxygen show, as well as his recent interview, comes on the heels of multiple person relationships making headlines and being on TV.
For example, R. Kelly has been famously accused of having several women, known as “sister wives,” living in his Georgia and Chicago homes. Not to mention, there’s a storyline on the show “Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta” that involves music manager Rodney Bullock, Jasmine Washington and Keanna Arnold in a three-way relationship that people have been buzzing about.
Then, there was that recent episode of the MTV show “Catfish,” where a guy named Wayne asked a woman named Robin if she’d move in with him and his other girlfriends. “I’ve never just been solidly committed to one girl,” said Wayne during the episode. “I like to have more than one girlfriend at a time. … We could be one happy family all in one household.”
Robin ultimately declined his offer and ended their relationship.
The HBO series “Insecure” touched on polyamory as well, when the characters Molly and Dro hooked up, although there wasn’t any cohabitation going on between them and Dro’s wife.
There are also sites like Black & Polly that cater to Black people interested in polyamory, and long-running matchmaking site OkCupid has a section that caters to folks seeking that type of romance as well.
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All of these things combined could lead one to believe that polyamorous relationships are a growing trend in the U.S., but according to relationship expert Dr. Tiffanie Henry — who runs a private practice in Fayetteville, Ga. and a site called My Intimate Details — that may not be the case.
“I don’t know if it’s necessarily a growing trend,” she said in an exclusive interview. “I just think people are more comfortable talking about different ways of love and loving people. Just like there was a time when people didn’t necessarily admit or talk about same-sex relationships, but now people are very comfortable or more comfortable with being out, with talking about their relationships and the dynamics of their relationships — whether it’s being in a same-sex relationship, whether it’s being open to kink or BDSM or having multiple partners.”
Based on the internet chatter surrounding multiple person relationships, it’s apparent that women get the brunt of the backlash for being in them and some may be considered naive or desperate, which is wrong, said Dr. Henry.
“It doesn’t necessarily surprise me that there would be a negative outlook on women who participate in the same behavior that a man participates in,” she stated. “It’s just looked at differently if a woman is okay with it versus a man, and that’s not okay.”
But at the same time, it’s important for a person who may be interested in a polyamorous relationship to determine if that’s what he or she wants.
“There’s polyamory and polyamorous relationships and then there’s cheating,” said Dr. Henry, who co-hosted the ABC daytime show “The Revolution” and the late-night talk show on TLC “All About Sex.”
“It’s almost like that argument of sex addiction. Where you have someone who’s having sex with multiple people and then it’s just like ‘Oh well, I have a sex-addiction.’ Is it an excuse to do what you want, or do you truly believe that you can love multiple people at one time?”
The Georgia based therapist also said it’s important for people to determine the type of person they really are before getting into a relationship that involves two or more people. Because entering that arrangement solely for another person won’t work, since the one who makes the sacrifice usually ends up feeling horrible.
In addition, Dr. Henry said that she’s known people in happy polyamorous relationships who’ve stayed together for several years and others who’ve had their primary relationship ruined. She also stated that it’s important for the person “driving the machine” in that type of arrangement to stop if it’s hurting the main union at some point.
The doctor also warns the difficulties of maintaining more than one intimate relationship at once and stressed that it’s not an easy thing to do.
“[Being in love with someone] takes a lot of energy and work to maintain that love,” she pointed out. “So to think about having to build that type of relationship with two people or more at the same time, that’s a lot of work. It’s not for the faint of heart.”