Making friends can be hard because of one’s lack of social skills, because our society is generally making us more isolated, because of our modern busy lifestyles, or because we no longer have a context for meeting people like we did in college or high school.
There is no single cause that makes this crucial skill hard for us—it’s actually a group of causes. In this article, we’re going to tackle the main reasons you may find it hard to make friends, and how to overcome them so you can get the happy social life you want.
You think that everyone else is already in a closed group of friends
Did you know that the lonelier the person is, the more they tend to only notice extroverted people who have a great time with friends? Somehow the mind gets blind to all others who are maybe even more lonely; it’s just a mental illusion.
At the same time, most friendships are superficial. People can hang out with others just to avoid being alone. Everyone is craving for more close and loyal friends, so don’t be fooled by appearances.
You learned that friends can be disappointing
If you got hurt by friends in the past, you might think that friendship is risky. What you may have missed is that these scars are lessons. They are new tricks under your belt. Bad friendship experiences are signals and new skills that allow you to filter people better.
You get to become more safe as you gather friendship experience, and you’ll to see the warning signs before you get disappointed. It’s a wealth of knowledge that you shouldn’t throw away—you can learn from them.
Great results don’t appear at first attempt
If it’s been a long time since you made a new friend, then knowing where to start can be difficult. A big common mistake is for someone to psych themselves into going out to socialize, then quickly get discouraged when they see that other people aren’t very responsive to them.
Your social skills may be dormant or you may never developed them as you could have. If you want a great social life, you can’t count on one single action step. You need new habits that are easy to implement gradually, and a set of great social skills and techniques to use.
The “what if they don’t like me?’ Factor
Fear of rejection is also a big block. If you try to make friends with someone and it doesn’t work out, you can rarely know why. It’s usually a lot of speculation. Whether you believe that think you’re not good enough, or they think that you’re too good for them, it’s usually just guesswork. You can never know what’s going on with someone you don’t know very well.
You don’t have to choose a thinking process that discourages you.
