Connecting via Facebook, emails, texting, tweets and instant messages can be convenient. Technology can offer fast ways to ask your husband to pick up lettuce at the grocery store on the way home or to let your wife know that you’ll be home later than usual.
But according to new findings, this convenience may come at the cost of closeness in your relationship.
That’s because researchers from Oxford University have found couples who keep in touch too much via technology tend to have less satisfying marriages.
How could this be?
The study surveyed social media used by 3,500 couples, including Facebook, emails, texts, tweets and instant messages. Couples who used five or more electronic channels of communication reported an average of 14 percent less relationship satisfaction than couples who were less electronically connected.
Shouldn’t connecting more — in any capacity or modality — foster closeness?
Well, yes and no. Any connection a with loved one beats no connection at all, provided that the connection is neutral or positive. Sending a text that reads, “See you after work” is neutral information-sharing. On the other hand, sending a text that says, “I love you!” conveys a much more positive message and fosters loving feelings… at least a bit. And swapping naughty texts back and forth over the course of the day gets you hot for each other when you climb in to bed together at night.
However, virtual connecting is never a substitute for physical togetherness and it can sometimes make matters worse in your relationship. Here are four reasons why:
1. Technology makes it easier to fight dirty.
Anger can be too easily impulsively shot out in an email or text. Too many folks dash off a quick nasty comment in response to something that annoyed them. If they click and send before they’ve had time to calm down and think through a more tactful response, there’s likely to be trouble ahead.
2. “Checking things online” interrupts your quality time together.
Folks who connect over so many electronic channels with their loved ones may be doing the same with friends and business partners. Therein lies the problem. Maintaining all those connections can slice and dice your time with your main loved one. Each and every interruption to your time alone together diminishes the intensity of your connection.
