Karrueche Tran says that despite the world watching her love life implode during the second half of 2012 and early this year, she knows she’s relatable because girls understand her ‘messy’ love triangle. As much as I wish that wasn’t true, her words probably do have some merit. However, is relating the Karrueche’s former love triangle with Chris Brown and Rihanna really something that anyone needs relate to? Is there a way to disengage if you find yourself in a similar situation?
Of course! Valentine’s Day was yesterday and I don’t know how Ms. Tran spent her day, but if it was in hopes of getting a call from her ex-Brown then she certainly wasted her time. Sure, they might be ‘friends’ but anyone can tell that the young aspiring fashion designer is still carrying a torch for Chris. Meanwhile, he and Rihanna were most recently spotted at the 2013 Grammys together. In fact, the Chrianna sightings have definitely increased while his outings with Karrueche have virtually stopped at the turn of the year.
Breakups are messy and perhaps that’s why love triangles begin. The feelings of comfort and affection are still there on behalf of both parties, but it’s not enough to make one party continue with a commitment; thus, a love triangle is born.
Confession time: I was in a love triangle. I know. I know. Oh the shame! The experience taught me a lot, though. I wasn’t the Rihanna or the Karrueche Tran of the triangle. No, I held Chris Brown’s position. In college I had broken up with my boyfriend of three years and began dating someone else a few months later. I still cared for my ex and tried to remain friends with him. Since the split was my idea, I had taken the time to grieve the relationship even while still in it. Once I verbalized what I had been feeling for a while, I thought there was no reason for me not to be friends with him.
However…it doesn’t work that way for the person who was broken up with. They have not had that same time to process the breakup because, in many cases, they didn’t see it coming. Karrueche might have seen the handwriting on the wall (Birthday Cake anyone?), but the breakup still may have been a shock to her. For that reason alone, she needed to distance herself from Brown.
Like Chris Brown, I continued what I thought was strictly a friendship with my ex. Like Tran and Brown, my ex and I had the same group of friends so we saw each other probably more often than we should have. While it was strictly a friendship for me, our constant contact gave him false hope. I was so naive I was actually surprised when he asked me out on a date about four months after we broke up. I had just begun dating someone else.
Bottom line was I never minded being around him because I was over him. I thought simply stating that 500 hundred times would allow him to get the point. It didn’t. In the end, it was like I had to breakup with him again when I ended the friendship. Now, when I hear my friends say “we’re just friends” in reference to their exes, I wonder if they have a true, mutual friendship, or if it’s a friendship with one party settling for it in lieu of a relationship.
As much as Karrueche wants to claim a forever friendship with Brown, that might not be the case…at least not yet. After time passes (read…years) and both move on, if the two decide that their connection was genuine enough in a non-romantic way to maintain a friendship, then that’s when a true mutual friendship is born. By the way…my ex got married to someone who was perfect for him…and we’re all friends now.
The tried and true advice after a breakup is to go no-contact initially. It’s a hard advice to follow, especially if you really care for the person. But making the mistake in thinking you can shut your feelings on and off or asking someone else to do the same is the reason why love triangles happen after a breakup. Avoid further heartache by watching out for yourself (in the case of being broken up with) or the other person (in the case of being the one to break their heart). Walk away.
