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The Ashton Kutcher Formula: How To End Your Marriage In 6 Years

Want to know how to lose your wife in less than ten years? Just ask Ashton Kutcher, who, after weeks of speculation and media scrutiny, is being divorced by his actress wife, Demi Moore.

So what’s the Kutcher formula?

One, start by marrying someone more than 15 years your senior so the aging process is more in your favor.

Second, live your entire life through social media, which will insure instant public knowledge of your marital spats, verbal missteps and ill-conceived notions.

Lastly, and this is the good one, cheat on your wife with the equivalent of a college groupie on the same weekend you’re celebrating your sixth wedding anniversary. Wash, rinse and repeat as needed and this cycle will surely split up any marriage.

Ashton and Demi’s six-year marriage (equivalent to 60 Kardashian years) began in scrutiny and ended in infamy. After reports that Kutcher cheated on Demi with 23-year-old Sara Leal while vacationing in San Diego, the media was all abuzz as the divorce countdown began.

Initially it appeared that the two might work things out as they were pictured attending Kabbalah service and various counseling sessions after Kutcher’s cheating allegations were brought to light.

But alas, it was not to be, as Demi released a statement this past Thursday saying that she would be moving on with her life by leaving Ashton behind.

“It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton,” the statement said.

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She continued by asking for compassion and privacy during her time of trouble:

“As a woman, a mother and a wife, there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life. This is a trying time for me and my family, and so I would ask for the same compassion and privacy that you would give to anyone going through a similar situation.”

Ashton posted his response–via Twitter, of course–by stating:

“I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi.”

Aww…how sweet. In the 2011 social media version of divorce, they then proceeded to un-follow each other.

Can’t say if there are any winners in this situation. Demi has appeared more emaciated in recent days as friends report the stress of her second failed marriage physically taking its toll. Kutcher not only is being blasted on Twitter for being a philandering husband, but his new show, “Two and a Half Men” is also reportedly slipping in the ratings after he replaced wild man Charlie Sheen.

But there may be a silver lining: now that it’s all over, Demi Moore can start eating again.

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