This Act of ‘Self-Love’ Is Less About You Than You Think
According to one Black Houston woman who married herself, Yasmin Eleby, her ceremony was all about showcasing her love for herself. She’s not the only one with this philosophy. Grace Gelder wrote an article for The Guardian where she explained her own decision to marry herself as well. While she also said it was an act of self-love, senior editor at The Daily Beast Tim Teeman explained that Gelder’s own account of her wedding to herself proves that the ceremony isn’t quite the “self-loving” experience women think it is. “In Gelder’s reading, then, a self-marriage isn’t for life, it is a statement of single wellness, a sign to loved ones and society that she is on her own and doing OK,” Teeman wrote in an article titled “Why Singles Should Say ‘I Don’t’ to the Self-Marriage Movement. “She will not be committing adultery on herself if she meets someone else because her self-marriage was really a statement that she was, at this time in her life, doing just fine. But why did Gelder need to marry herself to make that clear: by doing so, it underlines the importance of what marriage symbolizes, rather than her liberated single self. Marriage is the most conservative, conventional, patriarchy-rooted response Gelder could have chosen to declare her autonomy and strength to the world.”
That Lack of Patience Can Be a Sign of Fear
Mainstream media outlets are constantly suggesting that most Black women won’t get married. Unfortunately, many Black women have fallen for this myth and now subconsciously fear that they will never get married. The Daily Love contributor Michael Eisen explains that it is important for people to be patient with love because that patience increases “self-awareness” and allows people to “greet” love differently. More often than not, Black women become obsessed with making it to the altar when they are coming face to face with a deeply rooted fear of being alone. This is exactly what has encouraged many Black directors, writers, authors, actors and actresses to get behind television shows like Being Mary Jane and films like With This Ring.
