The use of technology is on the rise while the amount of face time seems to be on the low. Feminism seems to be receiving new life, but chivalry is barely hanging on to dear life on its death bed. Let’s face it, a lot has changed in the dating world over the past few years and that means it’s time for ladies to adapt to the new ways of searching for Mr. Right.
There seem to be new rules to dating coming out even more frequently than a new iPhone (the completion of the iPhone 6 will probably be announced by the time you finish reading this). The only problem is, some of these new rules just don’t sit too well with us.
Of course there is always a time for change and until you can learn to adapt to a new environment the dating world will always be a mess for you.
However, as women it’s important that we don’t just let these changes affect the type of men we allow into our lives. So, yes, you should be aware of the new dating standards but some of them shouldn’t necessarily be accepted as a norm.
We’re breaking down the new rules: which ones are okay and which ones need to go.
We can live with these:
- Avoiding that “no sex on the first date” talk: This is a rule that you should still have but you just need to keep it inside your head. The minute you feel it ready to jump out of your mouth, start stuffing your face with salad and put down the glass of wine that’s been encouraging you to say the first thing that comes to mind. You don’t want to make a well mannered guy feel as if you have already sized him up to be another sex feign, it’ll have him calling for the check before you even order an entrée.
- Don’t talk about your ex: This is a classic rule that is important both for you and your date. Your date obviously doesn’t want to hear about your last man, and even if he does ask about him change the subject. You don’t want your new date trying to figure out who he is competing with – the date is supposed to be about you, not some strange macho man competition (as sexy as that sounds). On the other hand, do it for you! Take your ex’s name, spit it out and throw it behind the dumpster somewhere when you’re ready to hop back into the dating scene. We aren’t suggesting that you create some sort of beef with your former flame, but remember that you going back into the dating world is your time to focus on you and a new mate – not the man from the past.
- Don’t complain about your kids: There are several reasons why you should never ever dare do this. First things first, you don’t want him feeling like you are eager to throw all your emotional baggage in his face. Second of all, every man assumes that a mother’s love for her children is the greatest love there is. If you start bashing your kids in front of him, he’s going to feel as if they must be little spawns of Satan if they managed to get their own mom not to like them. No man wants to come into a relationship with the idea that in a few years he will be playing step dad to some bae bae kids.
- Don’t compare him to anyone: Don’t compare him to your ex’s, children, parents, friends, not even the waiter! Don’t compare him to anyone! Your new potential man needs to feel as if your interest in getting to know him is genuine and that you aren’t treating him like some Pok-e-mon card or baseball card with stats on it. How would you feel if the man sitting across from you said, “Oh you wore a ponytail this evening? I don’t know. Ashley always wore her hair in curls and that just really turned me on.” Yea. Don’t do it ladies.
- Don’t jump ahead: Yes dating is important because you are looking or a future partner in life, but that doesn’t mean all your personal goals need to be laid on the table on the first date – specifically the ones involving more kids. Wait until you both know each other a little better before you whip out your list of baby names.
- Venture into the weekdays: You just got off work, you’re tired, you just want a hot bath and a glass of champagne. We get it. But don’t let those tired evenings affect your love life. You could easily be having bubble bath time with a gorgeous set of 6-pack abs but you’re being too lazy to get out there and start dating unless it’s the weekend. Don’t be afraid of dinner on Tuesday and a movie on Wednesday. The world of romance is no longer restricted to Friday and Saturday.
Rules that need to go:
- Flirty/Sexy photos: Excuse me? What happens when you want to break ties with a man and he has a gallery of you in your Victoria’s Secrets? Sending out those sexy pics is doing nothing but giving that man ammunition if things ever go sour. He’ll be able to share stories about you with his boys and even paint you to be some sex crazed lunatic because hey… all they see is you in that satin night gown right? Even if the pictures aren’t nudes they are still dangerous to your reputation. Word (and photos) spread quickly in this day and age. Leave the pics alone and force him to miss you while you’re gone.
- Be Prepared to Pay: The only thing you should be paying is attention, other than that the bill should be on the man. Poor chivalry is laid up in Grady coughing his lungs out right now because women are becoming accustomed to paying for everything separately and some women have even started paying for their date! (Please sound the thirst alarms. You are sending off some desperate messages when you start paying for a man’s food). At the end of the day, your date should be treating you to a special evening as a “Thank You” for your company. In return, we throw on uncomfortable high heels, do mathematical equations to figure out just the right amount of make up to wear, double up our number of crunches every night so we can look finer than ever in that skin tight dress, and spend hard earned cash on making our hair look like a Pantene Pro-V commercial. If he wants to skip out on paying the bill, then you should skip out on dressing up for him and go out in sweat pants and a dirty t-shirt. Just saying.
- Ask him out: Okay I see where this rule is coming from…. But it needs to turn around and go back. As dating expert Tony Gaskins said during his Mrs. Right seminar, “What does a gazelle look like approaching a lion?” There are ways you can command a man’s attention and make him come to you, but you shouldn’t be the one chasing after men and asking them to bless you with their company. Mr. Gaskins explained that all it takes is locking eyes and a simple smile to get a man interested. Play with your hair a little or even DISCRETELY bite/lick your lip and he’ll come chasing with dinner plans already in mind. Most men actually love the thrill of the chase. Taking out that element alone can take out a lot of the excitement in the dating world for both you and him.