“A more peaceful way to live is to decide consciously which battles are worth fighting and which are better left alone.” ~Richard Carlson
Have you ever been in a relationship that seemed more like work than fun? Where every day you seemed to have a new issue to discuss?
Maybe it had to do with little miscommunications, or an ongoing dispute, or a difference of opinion that regularly complicated your daily interactions.
Whatever it was, you always found yourself wanting to hash things out to get everything back to normal.
Except that was normal—conflict, friction, and disagreement; you just held out hope that maybe it could change.
I had a friendship like this a few years back. We really got each other, and that’s a big part of why we grew close.
But we also got on each other’s nerves on a near-daily basis. In retrospect, I see that our two personalities came together to create something toxic.
It was like the perfect storm of insecurities and and egos colliding; our collapse may have always been a matter of time. But I also realize we both created drama where it didn’t need to be.
We made everything an issue.
I’ve since learned that healthy relationships require a little discernment as to what’s a problem and what’s just small stuff; and that sometimes, the instinct to sweat all that small stuff is a sign of a bigger problem—that the relationship may just not be right.
Not sure why so much annoys you? There could be any number of reasons. One of these problems may seem familiar, and one of these solutions may help.
Problem 1:
You’re harboring resentment or anger, but instead of expressing what you really feel, you pick at the little things.
The Solution:
Take some time to get to the root of your feelings. What’s really bothering you? Sure, those unwashed dishes and slow email responses are annoying, but what’s the bigger issue?
Do you fear the person doesn’t respect you? Do their actions seem to confirm your fear that you are somehow unworthy? Are you holding a grudge over something big that happened two years ago?
Ask yourself if there’s a bigger conversation you need to have—something you need to say that you didn’t, or perhaps something you need to work out in your own head.
Read more: Lori Deschene, Tiny Buddha
