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Men Want to Be Desired Too

1) Men want to be desired too. As women we are socialized to be the objects of desire not the owners of desire. We grow up thinking that sex is something that happens to us, not something we make happen. Seldom do we feel as agents of our own sexual lives. Bombarded with messages from the media about impossible physical standards we are often wracked with insecurity of our attractiveness. We may struggle to reveal our erotic imagination lest we raise suspicion or resentment (for not saying so sooner!) in our partner. Childhood training and adult anxiety leave us weak in reaching out in this powerful way to reassure our partner of our commitment to him. A commitment to grow strong in our erotic core, fulfills our pledge of fidelity – away from others.. yes…but more importantly onto an exciting sexual relationship. Our husbands don’t just want sex; they want us to want them. It’s ever so slightly different but there’s almost a spiritual difference. Wanting confirms our love and reveals our vulnerability to our primitive bond with each other. For many men, sex IS love, sex IS connection and a woman’s sexual initiation, compliments, and “winks across the party” offer deep feelings of both excitement and security.

The media is increasingly adding pressure to men about their appearance and even guys who have never been vain, can succumb. Working 60 hours a week to help provide for the family takes a toll on that athletic physique; aging can bring baldness, failing erections, wrinkles which subtract from his sex appeal (for the record- baldness can mean higher testosterone!!) or even his promotionability! It’s a rough, critical world out there and we need all need the affirming physical love of our partner. More deeply though, in a monogamous relationship, sexual desire is what sets our lover apart as our unique. Expressing our desire says – I want you – we belong together.

2) Stop, drop and roll every once in a while. Women need lots of time to get into the mood and even more time to reach orgasm, but every time? Even once in a blue moon, should you get yourself in the mood and ready, blow his mind (and anything else that comes to mind.) Unleashed aggression. Be hungry. Devour. Forget Saran Wrap and babydoll nighties – dress up in DESIRE…

Read more: Psychology Today


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