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9 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Asking Her to Marry You

It’s time to get introspective! By taking the time to honestly assess your feelings and your motivations, you will be able to ascertain your degree of readiness for marriage.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1.  What do I love about my partner?

As a psychotherapist specializing in couples and marital therapy, one of the first things I ask is “What do you love about one another?” If the answers indicate little depth, serious trouble is indicated. Replies such “because she’s pretty” or “he’s fun” are troubling signs, indicating surface attraction. Once, to my horror, a client replied “Because we like the same kind of food.” Needless to say, this is not a foundation for a long lasting relationship!

Happily, after considerable introspection, many couples are able to identify their attraction to positive partner qualities such as compassion, intelligence, and an ability and willingness to communicate effectively. After all, if you can’t talk openly with your partner, the relationship is not solid. Perhaps more important, self-aware couples are able to recognize areas for potential growth, and develop a plan to jointly work on their relationship.

Some, especially new, couples may view such questioning as cynically casting doubt upon their whirlwind romance. Nonetheless this type of critical self-reflection is vital in determining ultimate compatibility. Indeed, it doesn’t take a relationship advice guru to realized that a little work now could save a lot of heartache later.

2.  Why am I asking this person to marry me?

For example, are you proposing because your partner is pregnant? If that’s your primary reason for getting hitched, I suggest you reconsider, because studies show that you will grow to resent your partner and child.

3.  Can we work through problems?

If you’ve been with your partner for a long period of time, you have likely experienced some rough patches. Take a look at those patches to determine how you dealt with them as a couple, and note what you did well or identify areas for improvement. Do you feel comfortable discussing any problem with your partner?

4.  Can we communicate?

Talking is not necessarily the same as communicating. You need to be able to talk to this person in your life in a constructive way. If you have already argued, you already know if this is possible. We don’t always get along with the people we love, but we should be willing to get along with them most of the time and try to love them when we are feeling negative about them. If you felt like you came away from the situation understanding the other person better, you are able to communicate…

Read more: NAIJ

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