Stay Connected
Atlanta Black Star/Editor's Picks
Editor's PicksRelationships

The Root Cause of Dating Drama – Losing Yourself

Posted byBy Stan | Published on: CommentsComments (0)

Some men are jerks. Some women are just plain crazy. Now that I’ve acknowledged the two biggest stereotypes that people think are to blame for screwed up relationships, let’s look at the real root cause of dating drama: feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem.

I’m not running around hugging trees and braiding daisies into my hair, but I honestly believe that we would all struggle a lot less with dating and relationships if we lived in a perfect world where each and every one of us were told from a young age that we were beautiful, special and had unique gifts to offer the world – and to the person with whom we would eventually share our life. If each of us grew into self-assured people brimming with confidence, we would naturally possess the tools we need to live out the life of our dreams and create a healthy, happy, drama-free relationship.

Unfortunately, we’re not living in a perfect world.

Most of us spend a lot of time wondering whether we’re pretty enough, smart enough, interesting enough, sexy enough, funny enough, thin enough and so forth, and these worries can cause us to feel inadequate in a relationship.

Since these worries feel so out of our control, and at the same time we want to be loved, we often cope by plunging ourselves head-first into a relationship believing that if we just focus all of our energy on making our partner happy, everything will work out fine.

We start making decisions based solely on what we think they want or what they like. We don’t want to inconvenience them with our needs or offer any strong opinions that might conflict with their own.

Looking for reassurance, we may find ourselves clinging to our partner, hoping that he will make us feel secure in the relationship – and in ourselves.

We voluntarily stop doing some of the things we care about. We cancel plans with our friends if we think that there’s a chance our partner will want to spend time with us. We mislead ourselves to think that if we just hang around him or her enough, we can make the relationship progress forward out of sheer will…

Read more: Belief Net

Democracy needs journalism it can trust.

This election season, the stakes are higher than usual — and so is the pressure on newsrooms to soften their coverage, stay quiet, or just disappear. Independent reporting, the kind that answers to readers instead of advertisers or political pressure, matters more in a moment like this, not less.

For over 14 years, Atlanta Black Star has stayed independent and reader-funded. We have no corporate owner and no shareholders telling us what to cover or how to cover it. That independence is also our biggest vulnerability: nothing protects it except readers choosing to fund it directly.

Newspaper ad revenue has fallen more than 80% since 2005, and local newsrooms are closing at a rate of roughly two a week nationwide. When outlets go under in a moment like this, it's rarely the independent, reader-funded ones that get to stick around.

We know a request for support isn't why you came here. But without readers choosing to fund this work directly, the depth of reporting we can do at home and abroad shrinks along with everyone else's. If you're not in a position to give, that doesn't change how much we value you as a reader.

If you are able to, a recurring contribution does more for us than a single one-time gift, because it lets us plan the next investigation instead of just the next invoice. It takes about 30 seconds, no long form, no account. Thank you for continuing to support independent journalism and freedom of the press.

Give once Give monthly Support another way

Related Stories

Back to top