Female friendships are notoriously intense. They can be as passionate as the most all-consuming love affair, as close as a family bond, as supportive as the best therapist, but as toxic as the worst poison. Katie Couric’s talk show this week featured an episode on the life-sustaining power of female friendship. Ask a woman, including [...]
Touch: The First Language of Love
March 15, 2013 | Posted by
Touch is the first sense we acquire and the secret weapon in many a successful relationship. Here’s how to regain fluency in your first language. You’re in a crowded subway car on a Tuesday morning, or perhaps on a city bus. Still-sleepy commuters, lulled by vibrations, remain hushed, yet silently broadcast their thoughts. A toddler [...]
Loving Relationships Focus on Kindness Not Control
March 14, 2013 | Posted by
What do you see when you look at your partner? When Carmella looks at Rudy, she sees his insecurity and withdrawal, which she does not find attractive. She sees his neediness when he pouts over not having sex. She sees his lack of motivation — he is not a go-getter. She sees his growing potbelly, [...]
Happiest When Alone? You Might Be Single-at-Heart
March 4, 2013 | Posted by
I have no idea how many people truly are single-at-heart, and neither does anyone else. The concept has never been fully developed, recognized, or tested. (I’m working on that now.) Without a way to measure it, we cannot count the number of people who fit the category. Without any relevant cultural conversations, many people never consider [...]
Trading ‘BACK RUBs’ Is Healthy for a Relationship
March 4, 2013 | Posted by
The best way to ensure a healthy marriage — or relationship — is to make sure you regularly trade back rubs. Not necessarily the physical kind — though those are great to give and receive too. No, what I’m talking about creates the foundation for a healthy, growing relationship. Because if your relationship isn’t growing, [...]
In Relationships, We Often Get What We Deserve
March 3, 2013 | Posted by
An invariably brilliant friend of mine wrote me this honest and funny observation about relationships. “I always kind of chuckle when people say something about just wanting to get what they deserve or a person they deserve. I smile (sometimes I can’t keep the smile to myself) because I’m thinking, ’Oh really? I’ll bet if [...]
Good Relationships Require Each Person to be ‘Self-ish’
March 1, 2013 | Posted by
“You complete me.” It’s the most destructive idea about love in American culture. It may make for a good line in a movie, but the notion makes for very unstable relationships. It doesn’t work for either party. When someone wants and needs their sweetheart to fill in the missing pieces in themselves, they are setting [...]
In Times of Stress, Some People Need Space, Some Need Closeness
February 25, 2013 | Posted by
“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an [...]
Are You ‘The Bird’ or ‘The Hand’ in Your Relationship?
February 24, 2013 | Posted by
Whenever a friend has trouble in their relationship, I always ask the same question. “Are you the bird … or are you the hand?” Some friends think the question suggests that one of them in the relationship loves the other more. That’s not true. Their love is equal. It’s just expressed totally differently, the way [...]
The Bad Relationship And Sex Habits Perpetuated by Popular Movies
February 22, 2013 | Posted by
As the Oscars approach, it’s time to dole out Heartless Awards for all those who write, produce, direct, and star in so-called “romantic” comedies. These “romantic” comedies actually are chock-full of bad sex and relationship habits. There are so many of these bad habits that it’s hard to decide on just a few. But, in [...]
