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Saturday, October 25th, 2014

The Art of Breaking Up: 5 Tips to Break Up Without Breaking Down

Breaking up is definitely a learned skill. There is so much advice on how to get a man and/or keep a man that breaking up becomes one key relationship skill that often goes overlooked. Some women are naturals at giving a guy his walking papers. But if you’re like most of us out here fumbling through the dating world, then breaking up is definitely hard to do. It doesn’t have to be super complicated though. By following these next few tips, you can learn how to break it off without breaking his heart (too much).

Location, location, location

It’s been said that the best break-up location is a public place. While that may be true for causal affairs or in situations where safety is a concern, this piece of advice doesn’t hold hard and firm for long-term relationships. It’s perfectly okay to break up at your home or the home of the other person; again as long as there are no safety concerns. If your soon-to-be significant other is a little long winded, then perhaps a public place is best so you can leave whenever you feel is necessary. Just be mindful of where you break-up, even if it is a public place. Taking someone on vacation, a long walk on the beach or anything else that is deemed romantic may not produce great results. Keep it simple.

The band-aid break up process

Practicing the “slow fade” is a surefire way to drag on the break-up process. For those who don’t know what the “slow fade” is, listen up! If you tell a man that you want space, stop returning his calls, and dodge mutual friends in order not to have to explain that it’s over, then you’re practicing the slow fade. Be courteous to your soon-to-be ex by going the mature route, addressing the situation and ending the relationship. Treat ending the relationship as much like ripping off a band-aid as possible. It’s a time-saver on your part because really…who has time to dodge someone’s calls, avoid places where you might seem them and so on? Put on your big girl britches and end the relationship quickly.

What’s done is done

Be sure that you want to move on once you break-up with your significant other. While there are times when a break-up is just a break, most times a break-up is just that; the end. Don’t complicate things by addressing your emotions with your former lover. Unless you dated a total jerk, there will be times after the break-up that you will feel sad. There will be times that you will miss him and the things you all used to do together. However, evaluate if those feelings are natural feelings of loss or if you’re truly feeling pangs of regret and sincerely want to reconcile. Knowing which side of the fence you stand will enable you to avoid the dreaded break-up to make up cycle.

Keep chatter to a minimum

Everyone loves a good story, and what could be juicier than a good break-up story? It may be a good idea to talk to a few trusted friends about the details of the break-up, but rehashing all details to anyone interested in knowing is a recipe to keep you stuck in the past. You can’t move forward by recounting what lead to the break-up, how it happened and what your life has now become without him. Most friends and family members are well meaning and want to inquire about your wellbeing after such an event. In those cases, a simple, “We parted as friends and it was for the best. I’m fine, thank you,” is a great way to acknowledge the gesture, but shut down the possibility of an extended gossip session courtesy of your break-up.

De-friend and Unfollow

In the digital world, we can keep up-to-date with family and friends through social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter. After a break-up, however, is not the best time to keep up with the goings-on of your former flame. Whether or not you’ve initiated the break-up, be sure to detach from your ex on social networking sites because there’s nothing quite like logging onto Facebook to see your ex with another girl to ruin your day.

Those are just a few tips to help you become better at conducting a break-up. Be sure to read the follow up to this story entitled, “Safety First: Ten tips on How Best to Leave a Volatile Relationship” on Wednesday.

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