If you’re dating and have never encountered a situation where a toxic red flag or two reared its ugly head with the other person, consider yourself lucky. A toxic red flag is evident with someone who is troubled, dysfunctional, unavailable, is no good for you, or operates by showing no sign of remorse.
However, it’s something about that toxic flag that’s so intriguing because you know you should have it. Even when you know they’re as toxic as they come, sometimes you want to indulge a little just for the thrill of it. That red flag is just as enticing as the beach; you know you shouldn’t go too far in the deep end, but where’s the fun in playing it safe?
You must admit it: everyone has a little toxicity in them. Whether you like to listen to the self-proclaimed toxic king/rapper Future on the daily, serial date, or wave your bright red toxic flag with confidence, red flags exist, and we should pay attention to them.
Tiffany Pollard, also known as New York’s video, has resurfaced as she expresses on the first date that she “wants her eggs cracked,” meaning she wants a baby, among other things. The video has gone viral and has TikTok revamping it and spinning the creative wheel.
Many know New York from “Flavor of Love” with Flavor Flav. Her personality is bigger than the Hollywood sign. If your goal is to try to predict what she’ll say next, you’ll likely have a greater chance of winning the lottery. Her toxic flag is the brightest hue of red, for sure!
She continues her rant, leaving no stone unturned:
“I want my name dropped, meaning I wanna be married.”
“I’m not f—ing around with you!”
“I am not your bed maiden, I am not your maid, I am not your floozy.”
While the video makes for a great laugh, it brings about a serious topic: When is it too soon to wave your toxic flag? The first date definitely isn’t it. It may possibly be the best way to scare someone off. You have to wait until the person is at least into you more than on a superficial level.
So, what constitutes a red toxic flag? Here are a few points from Better Up that’ll help you determine if you’ve been in denial about being toxic or partaking in a toxic relationship.
- Overly controlling behavior
- Lack of trust
- Narcissism
- Gaslighting
- Lack of communication
- Codependency
If you are a person who can identify with four out of the six listed, then yes, you are toxic, and your red flag is burning bright.
You never know how people become toxic, and in most cases, they don’t either. Sometimes, it can be from the trauma they’ve experienced, and they use those toxic traits to cope. There can also be other life experiences that have made them close off parts of them as a safety mechanism.
From my experience, the scary thing about toxic people is that they can be fun and highly addictive, so getting rid of them may be challenging. Over time, I grew accustomed to the toxic treatment (even if it was bad), and that level of dysfunction became normal; just look at rapper Blueface and “Bad Girls Club” cast member turned rapper Chrisean for example. It can be hard to shake like a drug in a sense, but an old saying still holds true: “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
