I’m 29 years old, and my boyfriend is 51. I’ve always been attracted to older men, and everyone who knows me knows this fun fact about me. It’s my parents’ personal nightmare, but for me, it just feels natural.
I met my current boyfriend at a cigar bar last summer. He was there with his boys, and I was there with my girls. He ended up paying our whole tab, and ever since that night, we’ve been inseparable.
He does have one flaw that bothers me, but it has nothing to do with age and everything to do with him being very insecure.
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When I go out with friends, he’s constantly blowing me up and asking me questions to make sure I am where I said I would be. When I get home, he pops up to ‘inspect’ me and make sure I haven’t been unfaithful. It’s really annoying and a major turnoff.
In addition, he’s adamant about paying for everything. He takes care of most of my bills and never lets me pay when we go out. He tells me that his father treated his mother the same way and taught him that it costs to be the boss.
I don’t want him to feel like his tendency to look out for me means that he owns me or is in control of what I do. I’m not moved by the money at all. I make my own money. In fact, every attempt I make to try to be independent is blocked by him, so I’m starting to feel like he has ulterior motives.
One time, I surprised him and paid for a trip that we took, and before we made it back home, he had already sent me money to reimburse me in full.
We had a huge argument the other day, and he quickly threw it up in my face that he pays for everything and does the most for me. I was heartbroken when he made this statement. I thought he was doing these things out of the goodness of his heart, but it turns out it was just a form of controlling me.
He’s constantly threatening to end things between us unless I’m willing to make certain concessions with respect to my social habits. I have no plans on changing my ways, and I’m considering walking away myself. I feel like I’m fulfilling a sugar baby/sugar daddy fantasy for my man, and I don’t like it at all.
Should I insist on paying my own way or allow him to continue to pay for things, although this option comes with controlling behaviors?
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