I know I’m not alone in hearing the questions and comments that come from family and friends when you’ve hit the 30-year mark but haven’t yet had children.
They range from “When are you having kids?” to “You’re not getting any younger” to “You need to hurry up and have those babies before you’re too old to run behind them.”
Unfortunately, it comes with the territory if you haven’t given birth at least once by the time you’re 30.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love kids. I have six nieces and nephews whom I love and spoil as if they were my own, but kids just aren’t on my radar. At 34 years old, I’d rather focus on my career than change a diaper. And furthermore, my dating life sucks! How can I procreate with guys who simply want to Netflix and chill? I mean, can I get a date and some real interest?
Ironically, my mom is the only one who hasn’t pressured me about being a mom, which would make her a grandmother. She simply said, “If it happens, great! If not, I’m fine with that.”
I love that lady. So why is everyone else on my back? Is my personality so dashing that a mini-me is essential to life?
NBCNews states that over the last three decades, the largest increases in the median age at which U.S. women give birth have been among foreign-born women, going from age 27 to 32, and, for Black women, going from age 24 to 28, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
Society will have you overthinking, depressed, and feeling below the bottom about your life. If everyone were supposed to be married with a house, illustrious career and kids by 30, it would happen. This is something I had to come to know.
The funny thing is, I haven’t missed the mark on having kids, but if I have or decided not to have any kids, all is not lost. There are amazing people who are thriving and leading amazing lives without kids. I pour into my nieces and nephews, and I honestly look at my career as my baby.
Oprah Winfrey once said, as reported by Hollywood Reporter, “If I had kids, my kids would hate me. They would have ended up on the equivalent of the Oprah show talking about me; because something [in my life] would have had to suffer, and it would’ve probably been them.”
Ultimately, there is a give and take in life. I also believe that everything in life isn’t destined for everyone. Missing the mark is a myth because what is meant to you will always find you. If I am supposed to be a parent, I will be in time.
After years of feeling like an alien for not having children, I’ve settled into the fact that my life is peaceful and enough. I am complete right now, and I love it. So, if you are feeling inadequate because of society’s pressures and expectations, stop! You are right where you should be; don’t second guess it.