There is a girl, whom we will give the name ‘Missy’ because she’s misguided. I once was close friends with her, and now she mostly appears on my social media feeds, where I can see she’s been running from her reality.
Missy has traveled abroad to Spain, to New Orleans, Texas and Florida this year, yet nothing can replace the triggers and trauma she’s experienced. As someone that was once a friend, I know that she’s hurting, but her life sure looks lovely to someone on the outside looking in.
I can’t completely judge, as I’ve taken a trip to escape the reality of my life with her. In 2018 I took a trip to Cancun, Mexico, using bill money and charging my credit card. Home life was hectic, helping my mom take care of my aunt who has a traumatic brain injury, and I needed a break and a getaway. I also was depressed mentally about my life at the time because I was 30-something still living with my mom, working an inconsistent freelance job and single.
The trip was great! We swam in a cenote, held snakes, ate authentic Mexican cuisine, zip-lined through the jungle, rode ATVs and had the time of our lives. However, when we returned she was still empty from being in love with a man that only wanted her for sex, and I had to go back to the chaos of assisting with caretaking and succumbing to the societal pressures of the world.
Therapy became a safe haven for me in 2014. I had a traumatic experience that led me to therapy, which saved my life. As Black people, we always equate therapy as a weakness, yet I’ve never felt stronger. I love to take trips just as much as the next person, but it is not my escape. Therapy taught me how to run toward the trauma, or as Jay-Z says, “Can’t run from the pain, go towards it.”
Some people may argue with me about therapy versus traveling and say that they get their therapy from the trips. While laying on a beach with a drink is fantastic, I can only see it being beneficial for relaxing. Facing those things that have hurt us, tried to destroy us and literally knocked us to our knees can’t be fixed at the ocean.
It is understood that people cope differently, yet seeing many people use trips as therapy is quite alarming. Traditional therapy may not be for everyone, but there are many forms of therapy such as meditation, venting to a close friend/family member or mentor, reading, self-care, healing hobbies like painting, sound bowl healing and more.
Ultimately, therapy is about finding peace within. We all have triggers and traumas, but we don’t have to be victims and let those experiences shape our future. More than anything, therapy taught me that if I am whole at home, a trip will only become an incentive.
What are some therapeutic things you use to combat your traumas and triggers? And do you think they are effective?
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