If your partner starts probing you about your ex, one woman says to lie and keep your dating history under wraps because the ex doesn’t “need to know,” and he could use it against you.
TikTok user @tisiaxvs posted a video that racked up more than 40,000 reactions and well over 1,000 comments, in which she insists, “If a man asks you about your past relationships, lie.”
‘Ya’ll gotta stop telling all these cry-baby stories about what your ex did to you,” she begins before using a mocking tone.
The Tiktoker cited examples of conflicts that could easily be perceived as worthy discussion points in a new relationship, but she remained adamant.
“I don’t care if that man had a baby on you. I don’t care if he had a whole family at home and was living with you …. lie.”
She advised women that if their current partners start asking questions, forget about the old adage “honesty is the best policy” and simply state the relationship with an ex was “cordial” and they were “good” people.
“Lie. You will never know what my ex did to me. I don’t want you getting no bright ideas. I don’t want you to know where the bar was ever set,” she explained.
Many women in the comments were in favor of her thoughts on how to handle these types of conversations, noting that men often have used their dating history against them.
“This is true,” one person said. “You’ll be setting the bar and they’ll know what they can get away with.”
“Literally. My ex once said, ‘you let so and so do all this but get mad when I did this?’ Like I settled once, not ever again,” another person wrote.
“Same goes for when your ex “checks in”. LIE! You’re doing amazing! You’re living & dating an amazing man who brings you peace. That’s your story,” one user advised.
There were some who weren’t taken by her comments, namely male users who expressed disapproval of lying while in a relationship.
“So y’all start relationships off on lies? Bet,” someone said.
“Start off the relationship with a lie…nah stay single fellas,” another commenter wrote.
Relationship coaches and therapists advocate for conversations with partners about past relationships but advise against going into details about every encounter. What’s most important to discuss is what you learned and where you are at present if you’re to chat with your partner about your dating history.
“Unless you’re able to share what you’ve learned, it’s like hiding a part of yourself,” divorce coach Dr. Karen Finn told HuffPost. “Does that mean that you need to share every last sexual encounter you’ve had and the intimate details of it? No. There are appropriate levels of sharing.”
“The current relationship is with and for the couple, not previous partners,” psychotherapist Yuko Nippoda told Refinery29. “If talking about exes will help the relationship, it might be relevant and even necessary, but the couple needs to be careful not to do this too much as the intimate boundaries can be damaged by it.”
A 2019 Australian academic study found that women had less positive attitudes toward their ex-partners than men did because of serious, problematic behaviors that led to a breakup, such as infidelity, substance abuse and mental or physical abuse.
The American Psychological Association recommends focusing on the positive aspects and outcomes of breakups in order to stimulate growth rather than linger on a past relationship’s negative attributes.
