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My Best Friend and I Made a Pact to Never Let a Man Come Between Us. I’ve Kept Up My End, But Now Her New Boyfriend’s Influence Is Changing Everything.

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My bestie and I have known each other since high school. Even our families are integrated and super tight with one another, which is why we made a pact that we would never let a man come between us. We made it back during our first year of college and so far, so good. That is until my best friend met her current situation.  

She and I are nearly polar opposites. She’s more a wild child who always loves a good time, not as academically driven as I was but she still found her way. We bonded after both our families moved into a new city at the start of high school, we love the same foods and music, and we’re both extremely loyal and kind.

Friends hanging out in nightclub (Stock Photo/Getty Images)

We’ve both had boyfriends in the past, some better than others. I have had more success with stable relationships than she’s had, but we’ve stayed true to each other and have never prioritized a man or romantic relationship over our friendship. But this thing my bestie has with her new dude is something different.

She’s morphing into someone I don’t recognize.

For the first year, I felt like we were able to maintain our friendship. We kept our once-a-week cocktail night, and we spoke several times a week. Now, I barely see her anymore, and when we do talk, I feel somewhat rushed to get to my point so as not to lose her full attention. 

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She’s no longer the life of the party. Every conversation feels like I’m back in college which isn’t awful, but I can’t knock the feeling that they’re both talking down to me.

One time we made plans when her boyfriend was out of town, and she canceled on me the minute she learned he was coming back earlier than expected.

Just recently, my worst nightmare came true when she announced that her boyfriend proposed! I can’t even muster the energy to be excited because I feel like I’m mourning the loss of my best friend already. No longer can I count on her for coffee dates, impromptu mani/pedis, or late-night ice cream runs.

I struggle with feelings of selfishness. This is the most stable relationship she’s had, but I’ve had stable relationships before, and I didn’t cast her out.

She’s preoccupied with her new beau and just doesn’t have the time for me that she used to have. She offers for me to hang out with the two of them on occasion, but I don’t want to be the third wheel, and I’m not too fond of her guy because he’s demanding and has a huge influence on her.

Should I continue to be fake and keep up the act as though I approve of her guy, or should I tell her the truth and risk losing her altogether? Am I being selfish?  

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