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I’m a married woman in my mid-30s with an 8-year-old daughter. My husband and I love each other very much and just got back together after taking a three-month separation from our six-year marriage because of tension over having more children.
I had a challenging first pregnancy and delivery, and we are having trouble getting pregnant for a second time. He desperately wanted a boy and was getting frustrated. During our break, he went to work out of state, and we agreed to use that time to reflect on the pros and cons of staying together.
My husband is an excellent father and doting husband, and I personally didn’t want the separation, but I felt it might be good for both of us and could even strengthen our marriage if we could come through it. After the three months, he came back home, and we reunited with a night of passion that resulted in me feeling nauseous and sick a month or so later. We were both excited at the possibility I may be pregnant, but to our disappointment, I was not.
Not even days later, I began receiving cryptic messages and pictures on Instagram from a woman who claimed to be his “out-of-state” mistress. She sent pictures of him and her with a location and time stamp that correlated with the time when he had not been at home with our daughter and me. I was livid. How could he? I confronted him about it, and he admitted that he had stepped out with the woman but that he did not love her and wanted to work things out with us.
I was devastated to find out that he had dealt with a whole woman while we took a break to supposedly reflect on our situation and what we wanted the future to look like. I immediately went into detective mode and did some minimal research only to discover that the woman was an OnlyFans model and an escort. I was disgusted and hurt. How could he have put our relationship and maybe even my health in jeopardy? But that wasn’t nearly the worst of it.
The woman continued to harass us after he broke things off altogether and soon after sent me a picture of an ultrasound with a caption that said, “It’s a boy.” She also confirmed that one time when my daughter and I had gone to visit him out of state, he changed hotel rooms while we were waiting in the lobby because she had just left. Unbelievable!
My husband takes full responsibility for what has happened and admits that he made a terrible mistake. He claims he wants to be a better man for me and our daughter and assures me that this will never happen again. Overall, I feel disgusted by the matter and torn about whether to remain married.
Should I give him a second chance to prove his allegiance to me and our family or should I cut my losses, lawyer up and start drawing up a co-parenting plan?
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NOTE: This story has been edited for clarity and grammar.
10 thoughts on “‘It’s a Boy’: My Husband’s Ex-Mistress Sends Me Photo of Ultrasound Days After I Received News Of a False Pregnancy. Now Our Marriage and the Future of Our Family Is In Jeopardy.”
Give him a chance
The nerve of this guy?So not only did he answer your ? About the fate of your relationship..(clearly he is sneaky, untrustworthy) Now you will live in constant parnoia…he is obviously a man whore move on you deserve much better. F.y.i likly this isnt the 1st time he has stept out. Seemed pro
Short answer, you need need to have a conversation with your husband with or without a mediator if possible. Spousal counselling even.
1) What were the terms of the separation to begin with? Were there rules? Was this a legal separation? Or just a “break”?
2) He has accepted FULL accountability for his actions, didn’t lie about the things that took place when you asked. What more is he to do in this situation after throwing himself on the proverbial sword?. It’s either you want to work through it or you don’t. He already stated what he wants to do.
3) IFF this woman is indeed pregnant that is the real discussion here. How is that going to work? How would THAT affect your marriage? Can YOU live with the fact that another woman will bring his son into this world and not you?
4) Has any of this impacted the daughter in anyway or was she shielded from what’s currently happening between the two of you?
All bets are off when you request a separation. The two of you could’ve reflected on your marriage in the same household. Now you’re upset because he engaged in a sexual relationship in your absence?!? Get over it or move on. You made the decision that led to this situation in the first place
Go out. Have an affair and get pregnant. Come back and tell him that he’s not the father and you made a terrible mistake. Let’s see what the outcome would be
This may be the unpopular opinion, but love can overcome this if he is willing to admit that he did you wrong and is willing to commit to a professionally approved program for transforming himself.
I sympathize with you & have been there done that a few times & finally learned my lesson & moved on. Did I mention so much happier. My advice to you is to move on. I feel disgusted for you & I strongly feel that your husband has cheated countless times & I’m sure with more than one woman. More than disgusting is the fact that he slept with an escort, no protection, slept with you no protection, disrespectful in allowing you & her to nearly bump heads & everyone sharing a kiss after the nastiness he engaged in when you & your daughter went to visit him. Also they must’ve been very comfortable for her to find out who you are perhaps her going through his phone??? Now having his child??? An escort doesn’t have a client’s child, but a woman in “love” does.
None of this is your fault. HE has the responsibility to prove to you that he fully understands the long term harm his actions have caused. It’s HIS responsibility to build back the trust that he destroyed. None of this will ever happen if HE doesn’t seek counseling. If you made it 6 months without him, then I would at least kick him out until he can prove he has changed. Make HIM do the work, because otherwise, you will live the rest of your marriage not trusting him, and for good cause, but it will be a long, frustrating journey that will never bring you happiness, because you will always, with cause, be second guessing everything he does and everywhere he goes. It’s not a fun life, trust me. Focus on you and your child, otherwise the rest of your life will be all about him and his untrustworthiness. And I can tell you from experience that it will only get worse for you with time if you don’t set your boundaries now.
Leave him. This man is untrustworthy. I’m in a really bad relationship now with a man just like that. Bit I can’t get out of mine. Mine is constantly controlling me. I get beat on a regular basis.
No one can really tell you what to do in this situation. The same people telling you run for the hills has probably dealt with way worse. This is something you have to have a “come to Jesus” moment about and do what you feel is best for you and your daughter.