Chrisette Michele has had a tough year, to say the least. The singer performed at Donald Trump’s inauguration in January to widespread disapproval. And in the months following, Michele now says she felt suicidal, was dropped from her label and suffered a miscarriage. But folks aren’t very sympathetic toward her.
In a series of Instagram posts on Friday, Oct. 27, Michele offered a glimpse into what her life has been like since defying critics by singing in Washington D.C. in January. She said she drank Bacardi, took Xanax and stayed holed up in her home and off social media.
“When a community sticks its middle finger up at you and completely forgets everything you’ve ever done, you’re worthless… You’ve just spent ten years kicking your own ass to be there for everyone and suddenly no one is there for you? I don’t need to be here….” she wrote.
Through her religion, she said, she was able to pull herself out of the darkness. In a separate post, she added that practicing yoga saved her life.
People ask me how I'm so positive after all I've been thru….. When you're laying in bed naked, next to a bottle of Bacardi and Xanex. When you wear pajamas Morning and night. When you don't pick up the phone for weeks, months. When you're afraid to look at social media. I know I've sown positive seeds. I know I've lifted people. I know I've been a part of community activations and black empowerment. When a community sticks its middle finger up at you and completely forgets everything you've ever done, you're worthless… You've just spent ten years kicking your own ass to be there for everyone and suddenly no one is there for you? I don't need to be here…. And when you've drank so much you can't see clearly. And when your speech is so slurred you just stop speaking. You hope you don't wake up. Thing is. I know God. He was kind enough to soften the blow. I promise you, I felt Him cover me like a blanket. I told Him I was out of control. I told Him I was having thoughts about leaving and not finishing all He's called me to. He listened. There in lied my therapy. Music was written in this prayer closet of sorts. Dialogue with God. Call me crazy, but it's better than being dead. There's no one who will make me apologize for shouting from the roof tops that I have the overcoming story of a powerful and #StrongBlackWoman
“If social media wanted to pull me down, I guess they succeeded as it pertains to Capitol & Caroline records,” the singer spilled in another post about her lost record deal. “I complete an entire album and my label decides to walk away from me. Capitol Records. I was quiet for a few days… I go into the studio and literally poured out my heart and soul and the label decides to walk away from me?”
Despite the hurt, Michele vows she’ll remain a “strong Black woman.”
If social media wanted to pull me down, I guess they succeeded as it pertains to Capitol & Caroline records. I complete an entire album and my label decides to walk away from me. Capitol records. I was quiet for a few days… I go into the studio and literally poured out my heart and soul and the label decides to walk away from me? It's one thing to be a strong black woman, it's another thing to be a strong black woman who has to fight against the worst odds. I went from someone being revered and loved to facing putting out an album in the worst climate of my musical career. No victims here. I get it…. But absolutely human here. How hard can you try to break someone? How hard can you try to ruin someone? How much hate do you need to spew to show me you want to see my demise? I won't stop #StrongBlackWoman
But perhaps the most stunning post came when she posted about her miscarriage. The singer added that she fell back into her eating disorder, despite working with a trainer.
More: Chrisette Michele’s Apparent Donald Trump Support
“Something came out of me,” she wrote in the caption accompanied by an image of a miscarriage. “It was my child. The one my love and I worked so hard on. I never knew I could allow myself to be so broken that my physical body would break down. A miscarriage? Me?”
You don't have to be a celebrity to fail, to fight, to struggle. Pain is universal… I went into the gym and trained like a body builder to try and push past the pain I was feeling. I'd run up hill and lift weights heavier then strong men. I'd cry my way thru workouts. My trainer would cheer me up. God bless him. I pushed so hard and ate so much protein, I scarfed away my hurt. My old habits of binge eating disorder began to show themselves. Drinking maybe nothing but water for a day after a day of heavy intake. My trainer didn't know it but he was feeding the demon that covered up hurt with food. I had a long cycle. Something came out of me. It was my child. The one my love and I worked so hard on. I never knew I could allow myself to be so broken that my physical body would break down. A miscarriage? Me? This experience of a broken nation showed itself in my own physical body. That was when I knew I had to pull it together. Heal, Forgive. Just because I had a negative experience didn't mean I had to become negative and broken. When I lost my child I knew that it was time for me to become a #StrongBlackWoman
The response hasn’t been especially kind.
I see they cancelled you just like we did. That Trump performance was the wrong move sis
— gardensflower36 (@gardensflower36) October 27, 2017
Chrisette Michelle wants us to feel sorry for her cause she got dropped by her label….Girl, we tried to tell u Trump wasn't a good look pic.twitter.com/GM9vg98wxj
— 🎨 ArtsyBamaGirl (@BamaIntrovert) October 27, 2017
Chrisette Michelle has made it a point to insult our intelligence and act like WE just don't get it. Stay cancelled, sis.
— XXXTensions (@eleven8) October 29, 2017
Folks went in even harder after it was discovered that her miscarriage photo was actually posted by a woman on a baby forum in 2014.
Chrisette Michelle has a pic of another woman’s miscarriage on Instagram, sang for Trump, got dropped from her label. She wants sympathy? pic.twitter.com/WwPsY4KhUB
— Neal Carter (@nealcarter) October 28, 2017
Like, I was not expecting that second picture on her IG post. She's doing a lot right now.
— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) October 28, 2017
The fact Chrisette Michele posted on IG about her miscarriage & attached a bloody pic is troubling. Then find out the pic wasn't even hers.
— ManSitChoAzzDown (@AngryManTV) October 28, 2017
However, not everyone dissed the star.
I worked an event with Chrisette Michele a few years ago & she has a very sweet & kind spirit. It hurts me to see people drag her on social
— Cora. 🔮✨ (@Cora_Lynette) October 28, 2017
Ridiculous & unnecessary mean comments… Nobody should be shamed or abandoned because of their views or professional choices.
— Diane Seguin (@NOAFitnessNY) October 28, 2017
It’s still love, we all make mistakes.
— gC (@100CaliG) October 28, 2017