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The Best Way to Strengthen a Black Marriage

Picture of red flower, text The Virtuous Wife, photo cred-

Picture of red flower, text The Virtuous Wife

A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.” – Proverbs 31:10

There comes a time in every marriage when you’re forced to self-reflect: Was I condescending? Did I hurt their feelings? For me, this moment came two months ago.

My husband and I were first-time parents to our 2-month-old daughter. We were sleep-deprived all while trying to figure out how to care for this little one, thus causing frustration and anxiety. Frustration has the tendency to breed impulsive behavior and rude comments, and, on this particular night, I found that my comments had reached an all-time high. My harsh words came in a quiet (as not to wake the baby), terse tone causing my unflappable husband to react with words that he’s rarely used.

I wasn’t upset at our overall argument but more disappointed at how it was handled. It seems as if this was all in perfect timing since just days before, my friend referred to a scripture during our conversation – I had read it long before I got married and I didn’t really pay close attention since it didn’t pertain to my life at that time. After pondering for about 20 minutes and realizing that I needed guidance on my way of handling things, I decided to refer to what I call “the blueprint” of being a wife: Proverbs 31:10-31.

Although the entire passage resonated with me, the one verse that struck a chord at that time was “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue” – Proverbs 31:26. My spoken words to my husband were neither wise nor kind.

After reading the entire passage for the second time, I realized that it really does describe the perfect wife and woman. Where is this woman and how can I meet her?! Clearly, this level of perfection is unattainable.

I immediately made it a point to start living as closely to that “blueprint” as possible. I discussed my thoughts with my husband and we both agreed that we could start approaching our communication in a better way. Since then, our communication has been more open and clear and our frustrations have been kept under control.

Regardless of how you do it and where you seek it, self-reflection is essential to every marriage. It will benefit you and your relationship for years to come.

Alyssa Rachelle has been married for two years. She lives in the Atlanta area with her husband, 4-month-old daughter and 9-year-old cocker spaniel.

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