As many women try to decipher the secrets to finding Mr. Right, it is easy to become bombarded and distracted by the type of men that many relationship experts deem Mr. Right Now.
While he is often charming, attractive and seems to fit the description of a particular woman’s “type,” he also tends to form the other half of an unhealthy relationship that doesn’t allow for growth.
He is, by all means, a man of the moment and not a partner for life.
Black Love Advice contributor Naomi Epps explains that while identifying Mr. Right relies heavily on a woman’s intuition, there are some clear signs women can look out for to know when their Mr. Right is actually a Mr. Right Now in disguise.
One of the first signs she points out is his natural tendency to express “love in every way you can imagine.”
“He constantly expresses his love for you,” Epps writes. “He tells you he loves you everyday. You can feel it in his kisses…When you’re sick, he’s there with chicken noodle soup and cold medicine.”
She added that there is a genuine “spark in his eyes” whenever he sees the woman he truly loves and it wouldn’t be unusual for him to surprise a woman with flowers or spontaneous public displays of affection.
Perhaps even more importantly, however, is his tendency to support and embrace a woman in a relationship.
“He is the first to congratulate you on your accomplishments,” she continues. “He proudly shares the news of your success with his family and friends.”
In addition to being trustworthy and loyal, he remains “fully committed” even when times get rough.
That’s not typically the case with Mr. Right Now, Epps argues.
Mr. Right Now tends to make a woman feel like she is an “interchangeable” part of his life and that feeling may also be reciprocated by the woman.
While both parties may enjoy each other’s company, there is no sense of great loss when one considers being without the other.
According to an article shared by eHarmony, however, it’s important to note that there is a difference between feeling great loss in not having someone in your life and just missing the fun times you may have once shared.
The latter is a common symptom of letting go of a fun Mr. Right Now that should not be confused with losing Mr. Right.
When it comes down to it, however, Epps insists that most women will be able to identify Mr. Right Now from “gut instincts” alone but may simply be in denial that it’s time to walk away from a relationship that seems enjoyable enough for right now.
eHarmony, on the other hand, encourages women to embrace their Mr. Right Nows as long as they know the difference and don’t try to force their temporary fix into a permanent position.
“Sometimes you find yourself spending time with someone you know doesn’t have long-term relationship potential, and yet you may be ‘coming of age’ or find your ‘biological clock is ticking,’” the eHarmony post explains. “But in reality, when you haven’t found the one, it’s natural to want company in some form that fills the romantic relationship void. How long you want to spend there is up to you—but it’s important to be honest with yourself about the whole situation….Give yourself the freedom to enjoy another’s company, even if you are pretty sure they aren’t ‘the one.’”
Ultimately, figuring out who is Mr. Right and who is Mr. Right Now could be the easy part. Deciding what to do next after you have identified who you’re dating could pose the real challenge.
Alexa Joy Sherman, coauthor of The Happy Hook-up: A Single Girl’s Guide to Casual Sex, estimated that only about 23 percent of women are actually able to engage in intimate relationships without becoming emotionally attached.
For this reason, some women will need to cut Mr. Right Now off right away while others could freely and casually enjoy Mr. Right Now’s company without being too emotionally distracted from keeping an eye out for Mr. Right.
