Valentine’s Day is approaching, and love is in the air. But did you know that love means different things to different people? When Don says, “I love you,” he may be thinking about how hot the sex is. When Marcia hears these words, she may think, “Wow! He’s committed to me.”
In a dating relationship, it’s super important to unearth secret expectations and wants. You want to please each another, but it’s dangerous to assume you know what pleases someone. They may not feel comfortable telling you straight out.
Here’s a fun activity you can share with someone you’re dating that can help you feel safe talking about wants and expectations. The activity can be equally helpful to share with your long-term partner. It reveals each person’s hidden expectations and the personal meaning you each attach to the L-word. It’s a great way to get to know each other better … and maybe even get to know yourself better, too.
Take turns asking and answering the question, “What Makes You Feel Loved?” For example:
Harvey: What makes you feel loved?
Anita: When someone listens to me attentively… looks at me and acknowledges what I have said.
Anita: What makes you feel loved?
Harvey: When someone appreciates something I have done… tells me I’ve done good.
Harvey: What makes you feel loved?
Anita: When someone I care about gives me a back rub.
Anita: What makes you feel loved?
Harvey: When someone I love says she doesn’t want me to go home after we’ve made love.
You continue this question and answer process back and forth for a few minutes until you both feel complete. Then you might talk together about anything that surprised you or something you learned.
Read more: YourTango
