I was at dinner at this chic restaurant with a dear friend and both of us are particular with food, asking the chef to swap certain ingredients for others, concocting vegan masterpieces of our own. When her main course arrived we were in a heated discussion and after one bite she rolled her eyes, produced a frown so fierce you would have thought someone slapped her grandmother. She said “I can’t eat this; it’s offensive to my tastebuds; too salty.” The gentle server rushed over when he saw her gaze and asked her if there was something wrong with the dish, and she began to list what she thought to be wrong with her meal. She sent it back and 15 minutes later they brought out a different plate that completely met her standards and she was happy.
While we were at dinner we were talking about life, love, work, relationships, etc., and in the midst of her monologue about her sub-par love life, I was having a hard time focusing. I couldn’t believe the same woman who was so clear and decisive about her standards for cuisine was so unclear about navigating her love life. She was making all sorts of excuses for a man who wasn’t showing up in the way she wanted him to, and dragging out an underwhelming tale about this guy she met in line at Starbucks and how he only “texts her.” My ears needed a break. I had enough. “Time out” I said, “You just sent back a plate of food that you didn’t like, because it was shitty, and you’re telling me you are settling for shitty relationships? You’re particular about what you eat, but have no real standards when it comes to dating and relationships.”
My friend isn’t alone. Many of us will send back a cold plate of pasta but won’t uphold our standards when it comes to dating. We won’t call out behavior that is inappropriate, and we involve ourselves in drawn out love tangles with people who haven’t proven worthy of our time. Our standards have to be defined across the board and we shouldn’t lower the bar to accommodate anyone. If a man wants to be with you, he will do what it takes to make you feel safe, precious, respected and loved.
I hear so many women who say “this guy is 80% of what I want, and he is so great, but…” or “all the good guys are taken.” The truth is all of the “good guys” aren’t visible to women in a scarcity mindset and they appear to all be taken…by “good girls” who hold themselves in high regard. Well there are a ton of men out there who are seeking their divine reflection in partnership. We can only see people operating in the same vibration; if you raise yours you are open to a whole new world of “good guys.” People seek their reflection…
Read more: Latham Thomas, The Daily Love
