ABC’s Dancing With The Stars launched its season 13 premiere with plenty of celebrity sizzle and fizzle.
Lakers forward Ron Artest (or Mr. Metta World Peace) opened the show with a number one could hardly call dancing. Equipped with new, blond hair and a copper pant’s suit; Artest basically shimmied his way across the stage in a painful rendition of the Pasodoble which reminded me of a bad accident (you know you shouldn’t watch but still you just can’t look away). The judges weren’t shy about voicing their disdain either. Len Goodman let Ron know with his typical British frown, that Artest better get to dancing quickly or he would be in for quite the brief stay.
If you still managed not to change your channel after Artest’s performance, you were in store for some shaky yet enjoyable waltzing from David Arquette, and a notably fluid Viennese waltz from Chynna Phillips.
Although Arquette was two months into rehab, he certainly looked as though he could use a drink as his occasional tense moments were clearly marked through facial expressions which troubled himself and the judges. However, the Scary Movie star ultimately pulled off his number with a sense of charm that not only won over the judges but delighted his still legally wedded wife Courteney Cox and their daughter Coco who sat close by.
While the judges claimed Chynna’s number wasn’t exactly the best first dance they’ve ever seen; it was certainly enough to place her in the top three with a score of 22 out of 30.
Next up was Nancy Grace who was surprisingly rhythmic in a Tina Turner, inspired frock as she danced the cha-cha. Her partner, new comer Tristan MacManus, was sure not to let her fall as they quickly bounced across the stage. Although we rarely see Ms. Grace speechless, she was clearly at a loss for words as she gasped for air near the end of her performance proving the HLN host may have finally met her match.
Rob Kardashian may not have disappointed his family as sisters Kim, Khloe, and brother in law Lamar Odom applauded from the front row; however I found his performance fairly lackluster as it was filled with simple turns and steps which kept his score at a mediocre 16.
One of the more entertaining performances had to be that of former Queer Eye For The Straight Guy star Carson Kressly. Although Carson’s hesitation often left me wondering if he knew he was expected to lead while dancing; he still wowed the judges as he stepped on stage in a sparkling, low button ensemble which would make Liberace blush. Kressly continued by bouncing his shoulders and shifting his hips to the rhythm of Moves Like Jagger with partner Anna Trebunskaya.
“It had elements of Jagger, swagger and stagger,” judge Len Goodman exclaimed.
While Bruno playfully chimed in;
“We have Mick, we have Bianca, two for the price of one and worth every penny!”
Hope Solo continued with an “athletic” rendition of the waltz which often left normally dominant partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy watching for elbows while Ricki Lake pleased the audience with her softer, heart felt rendition of the Viennese waltz.
As usual Dancing With The Stars wanted to keep you watching by saving one of the most controversial contestants for the end. Openly transgender performer Chaz Bono concluded the show with a charming version of the rumba. Bono admitted in his post dance interview that although the grueling practices were taking a toll on his body, it was still one of the best experiences of his life.
Whew…that was certainly one of Dancing With The Stars longest episodes, but not to fret! Next week somebody is going home, so who do you think will make the first exit?