Trending Topics

Newly Single and Alone for the Holidays

It’s not easy being single during the holiday season. Between couples canoodling at cocktail parties, intrusive questions about your love life (or lack thereof) from well-meaning family members and midnight kisses on New Year’s Eve, the romantically unattached may feel like hibernating until January 2nd. It can be even more difficult if you’re newly single. But experts say there are plenty of ways to boost your solo spirit. “Don’t think about the holidays as something painful you have to ‘get through,’” says Elaine Rodino, PhD, a psychologist in private practice in State College, PA. “Know how to have fun regardless of whether you’re part of a couple.” Here’s how to manage your expectations, handle the holiday hype and emerge unscathed.

1. Create new traditions. If you’ve recently gone through a breakup, separation or divorce, you probably associate certain memories with your ex. Don’t recreate them. “Experiencing holidays the old way can be painful,” says Jennifer J. Harman, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Colorado State University in Fort Collins, CO. “Instead, look for new ways to celebrate that won’t remind you of the relationship.” If you’ve always cooked a ham, for example, try a turkey. Bake a different Thanksgiving dessert this year. Find a new neighborhood to visit for holiday lights on Christmas Eve—or scratch that tradition entirely and go to the movies.

2. Decline invitations that make you uncomfortable. Women who thrive on socializing will enjoy almost any event despite their single status, says Dr. Harman. But if you’re introverted or feeling especially down and out, “just tell party hosts you have other plans,” says Dr. Harman. Or if you’re worried a dinner will be full of couples, ask the host outright if you’ll be the only single person, recommends Carol Goldberg, PhD, a psychologist and host and producer of the cable TV show Dr. Carol Goldberg and Company. Try: “I’m glad you invited me, but I’m not comfortable in that type of setting right now.” Your friend will understand. “The last thing you want is to be at a place where everyone has a partner but you,” says San Diego–based dating coach DeAnna Lorraine. Too shy to ask about the guest list? Scrutinize the invitation for clues or check out last year’s event photos online.

3. If there’s a chance you’ll have fun, go to the party. “When you’re only a little sad, the best medicine is to get out and be with friends,” says Dr. Rodino. Don’t obsess about not being part of a couple; partners don’t stay connected at the hip at a party, anyway. “Just as they mingle and chat all night long, so can you,” says Dr. Rodino. And if the event is a drag, you can always leave. “People have so many obligations around the holidays—it’s totally acceptable to party hop…

Read more: Women’s Day

 

Back to top