I’m in my early 30s and am coming out of a relationship that I was in for five long years. Now single, I’ve truly found my groove and am dating with intention and with a purpose.
If I had to choose a character that I was most like from the “Sex and the City” franchise, it would be Carrie, hands down. I’m like her in the sense that I manage my dating candidates almost like a basketball team.
There are the starters, those that are on the team but ride the bench most games, and then you have a few stragglers that rarely get any playing time. But in general, I’m the coach and what I say goes. Sometimes I have to make cuts unexpectedly, but the overall goal is to get to the playoffs and win a championship; in my case, to find love.
My male cousin, however, would liken me more to the character of Samantha. I guess it’s because I date anywhere from two to three men at a time. As far as intimacy goes, I’m never sleeping with more than two men at any given time. My cousin says that I’m not being taken seriously by any of these guys because I’m not in my feminine energy and am behaving more like a dude.
His platform is that men and women must live by different standards because it’s just the way it is. He points out that biologically speaking a man can literally sleep with as many women as he would like without any hindrance whatsoever, but that women can get pregnant, which precludes them from doing the same.
Most of my girlfriends are also single and feel my pain. They understand the point of having more than one man in rotation because oftentimes you are pulling a characteristic from each guy in order to come up with enough traits to form one good man that is worth your time.
My sentiment is that we’re all adults and understand that we’re not married but single and dating and seeking love eventually. I actually enjoy dating because I was in a relationship for so long with one man. Having variety is fun, and I get to explore different aspects of who I am and what I enjoy. But other people’s opinions are starting to play on my mind.
I feel like I’m being persecuted for doing what white women are celebrated for, dating and doing you.
Should I cut back on my normal regimen of dating a few men at a time so as not to be considered a thot, or is it all right to continue my process in the hope that I will stumble upon love eventually?
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