Second, flirters are sometimes driven by the exploring motive. Here, a person flirts to gauge the interest of the person he/she is flirting with. For instance, you may be romantically interested in another person and flirt to see his or her reaction. Does he/she flirt back? Laugh? Mace you?
Third, our flirtatious messages are sometimes driven by fun motivations. This motive describes the fact that we may flirt simply because it is fun or the interaction is playful.
Fourth, at times we flirt for instrumental reasons. When flirtatious messages are driven by this motive, we are flirting to achieve a goal. Perhaps you want someone to do you a favor, buy you a drink, or complete a household chore? Flirting in order to get someone to complete those tasks describes the instrumental motive.
Fifth, flirting can be driven by the esteem motive. This motive encompasses those times when individuals flirt to increase or reinforce their self-esteem. Namely, being flirted with makes us feel good about ourselves (unless the person is a creeper).
Finally, flirting can be driven by sex. Flirtatious messages born out of this motive are based on a physical attraction to someone and/or the desire to engage in sexual activity with that person.
It is important to note, though, that flirting can occur without physical or sexual attraction. Although this may seem counter-intuitive to some, individuals likely frequently flirt with others that they are not attracted to. Consider a time where you flirt with a bartender to get a free drink or a wedding where a 20-something jokingly flirts with the bride’s grandfather (or just watch The Girls Next Door…is that still on? Hope not.).
Read more: Sean M. Horan PhD, Psychology Today
