Growing up, I was always the lone girl in a sea of boys. For whatever reason, I felt more at home surrounded by my guy friends as opposed to hanging out with a bunch of girls. This habit carried over into adulthood for me, and now as a married woman, it poses a problem.
This past weekend my husband promised to take me to see a movie I’d been dying to see but he was called in to work at the very last minute. When he left the house, I was almost in tears because this always seems to happen when it comes to things that are important to me. I know he can’t control it, but I was just feeling a bit sorry for myself.
I stared at my phone for a few minutes and then dialed up one of my best male friends, Gerald. I had a brilliant idea, why not just go with him to the movie instead? I called him, popped the question, and within the hour I was headed to the theater to meet him. When my husband got home, I excitedly told him all about my colorful evening. The look on his face said it all. He was not happy about my outing and felt that I had overstepped some serious boundaries.
The next day he informed me that I needed to cut off my relationship with Gerald. I felt like protesting, but something told me it was not a good idea because for some reason my husband was truly heated about all of this and standing his ground.
He explained that of all the male friends in my life, he trusted Gerald the least and that in choosing to go to the movies with Gerald I breached our marital trust. I didn’t see things that way at all, obviously, but I felt it was important not to devalue what my husband was saying to me. My husband has made slick comments in the past about Gerald, “I see the way he looks at you,” “Men like Gerald play the long game,” and “he’s just waiting patiently to pounce when you’re vulnerable.”
The thing is Gerald has been a solid part of my support system for years before my husband even came into the picture. He’s been there for me through heartbreak and relationship trials and tribulations, to say the least. But surprisingly, when I talked to Gerald about ending our friendship, he understood completely and just said my husband needs to feel that he is in control of his environment and he gets it.
Should I cut things off with Gerald once and for all or give my husband pushback about his demand?
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