Trending Topics

‘I Know He Has the Money’: My Well-Off Brother Won’t Give Me a Loan Unless My Other Family Members Pitch In Too. Is He Being Unfair?

Most people would say I’m spoiled with my being the youngest of my four siblings, but I would like to think I’m just supported heavily. When I became an adult, I found out from my oldest brother that my parents have depended on him a great deal since he left the house, graduated college and started his own lucrative business. He and I always have been very close, and in all my years I’ve never heard him talk about being relied upon financially by family members.

My Well-Off Brother Won't Give Me a Loan Unless My Other Family Members Pitch In Too.
Young concerned Black woman (Photo: Getty Images)

I am currently in my final year of undergraduate school and am $7,000 short for tuition and fees. I have exhausted all grants and student loan options and am faced with having to take out a bank loan or asking my brother for the money. I approached my parents first, and they immediately suggested I ask my brother. I didn’t bother asking my other siblings because they are struggling with their own families.

I waited for a good time to ask my oldest brother for the money and sprung the question on him this past weekend while we were hiking a popular mountain in our city. He stopped dead in his tracks and had a slight grimace on his face, which confused me because normally, I would just get a resounding ‘yes,’ and that would be that. But this time it was different. He told me he wanted to challenge me to raise at least half of the money by asking our parents and siblings and said he would contribute the other half.

He told me he has been bankrolling my life since I was in high school because oftentimes our parents just didn’t have the means for things like prom, senior pictures and senior trips. I had no idea this was taking place, but I also don’t really feel bad for my brother because financially he is pretty much set.

Ever since I asked for the money and pretty much got chastised and redirected, I’ve found myself resenting my older brother. Deep down, I’m angry because I know he has the money and that it wouldn’t hurt him one bit to give me the whole $7,000 without making me jump through all these hoops to get it. But instead, I feel like he’s using my situation to be a lesson to other family members about coming to him for money.

Should I take out a bank loan for the money or figure out a way to get my parents and other siblings to chip in?

The Center gets to the heart of the lifestyle, parenting, relationships and finance conversations impacting the culture. Convene here to express and share personal and poignant points of view that arise in everyday life.

Send us your queries to [email protected] and let our readers offer some perspectives on how to navigate these conversations.

Back to top