A law school graduate and TikTok influencer ignited a debate among single mothers, blasting them for having children with men that don’t want to have babies with them.
Sahar Khorramnezhad, whose TikTok profile is SisTalksWithSahar, served up a 51-second read by saying, “This is gonna sound harsh,” as she forewarned her viewers that what she was about to say would make many of them upset.
“You guys need to stop having children with men who are not trying to be with you [or] who are not obsessed with you,” she said. “Then complaining about how they are bad fathers because you are bringing children into dysfunctional families and then getting upset about the ramifications of a dysfunctional family. If you are such a good mother, you had the ultimate choice on who was going to be your baby’s father and you chose out of selfishness.”
As she continued her rant, she flamed those mothers, asking if they were such great mothers, “Why did you have a kid out of wedlock” or “have a kid with someone who was not entirely excited and obsessed with having a kid with you.”
Comments about her opinion were varied, but many agreed with her and claimed that this was just “common sense.”
“Preach girl. Sometimes the most selfless decision is NOT to have a child,” one person commented.
Another wrote, “YES, they never zoom in on their own selfish need to be ‘loved’ and be somebody ‘queen.’”
“You have a choice of who is going to be your baby’s father,” a user wrote. “This is the message. a lot of people wish their mothers had chosen better.”
Some people agreed with her, saying that her message was harsh, adding it lacked understanding of the complicated nature of single parenting.
“More empathy. Love and Light to the women that made that mistake for whatever reason, but still want more for their kid,” one user wrote.
“Why is all the blame placed on the woman? Like why are women blamed for men’s failure like they’re not having a kid as well,” one woman asked.
Khorramnezhad’s comments are in alignment with political philosopher Elizabeth Brake, who spoke out about “forced fatherhood” in 2005.
Brake wrote in the Journal of Applied Philosophy, “If women’s partial responsibility for pregnancy does not obligate them to support a fetus, then men’s partial responsibility for pregnancy does not obligate them to support a resulting child.”
Brake also noted that policies around childbirth do not give men as many rights about unwanted pregnancies as it gives women.
While Khorramnezhad did not address the politics of forced fatherhood, many thought she still lacked sympathy. However, that was not totally the case. She stood alongside women who said they were tricked by their lovers, thinking they were both on the same page.
“Women are often manipulated,” one viewer offered. “And in this day and age, don’t even get choices about family planning in many parts of the country.”
“Hard lesson to learn. He didn’t take off his mask till after the baby,” a mom confessed.
Khorranmnezhad replied directly, saying, in cases like this, which she considers “different situations,” women should not “blame” themselves.
On the flip side, there are men who want to be in their children’s lives, and their mothers, prohibit them — sometimes not ever telling them about the children until after they are born. Unmarried fathers often have very few rights, according to ChildWelfare.org.
These men frequently advocate for their parental rights, framing it as a violation of their civil rights protected by the 14th Amendment.
In fact, over the last few decades, the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled in favor of unmarried fathers in several cases, acknowledging their constitutional protection when they have a significant bond with their child.
The high court acknowledges that when there is a biological tie between the child and the unmarried father, he has the opportunity to build a significant relationship by actively engaging or attempting to engage in the child’s upbringing. This holds true even if the mother unreasonably refuses to include him in the child’s life.
