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My husband and I have been happily married for just under 10 years, and we have two lovely children that round out our beautiful family.
After the birth of our first son, I found it difficult to lose the baby weight, so I joined the gym and had much greater success until one day I lost my balance on the treadmill and landed with my face planted on the ground next to it. People were running over to help, but I quickly gathered my things and jetted out of the gym in a hurry, vowing never to go back again. I had humiliated myself.
Fast forward a few years later: I gave birth to our second and final son. I was determined to lose weight with my home workouts and meal prep planning, but the pounds just weren’t coming off, and my husband noticed.
He suggested I return to the gym, but I quickly reminded him of my gym trauma; and he backed off. That is until our sex life started to be affected by my body insecurity. My husband made it clear that he loved me no matter what but that he wanted me to have a healthy sense of self overall and was willing to do whatever it took to assist me with making physical improvements.
So he went out and bought me a gym membership for my birthday, and I have been sitting on it for about four weeks. I mustered up the confidence to walk back into the gym this past weekend. Needless to say, I avoided the treadmills like the plague but made my way toward the elliptical, only to find that I was equally as fearful of mounting that machine as well.
The intimidation factor was in full effect. Everywhere I looked, I felt like I was in a music video, and it wasn’t just the women that seemed to be there just to be seen but the men as well. What had happened to the gym days of old where you come as you are and work up a good sweat versus wearing designer gym outfits and making sure every hair is in place?
The gym just doesn’t feel like a safe space anymore, and I ultimately want to work out in the comfort of my own home again. Not only do I not want to have another experience similar to my gym mishap, but I don’t want to mistakenly be in someone’s social media video in the background trying to inconspicuously do my planks.
I noticed that my husband doesn’t admire or touch my body like he used to, and our sexual activity has dropped. He’s constantly looking and liking photos and videos of Instagram models online and sending images of women with my old figure to my inbox. I also want to look and feel sexy again for myself without all of the anxiety, fear, and pressure that comes along with going to the gym.
How do I overcome all of these obstacles and keep my eye on the prize with my hubby’s support?
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