The Center gets to the heart of the lifestyle, parenting, relationships, and finance conversations impacting the culture. Convene here to express and share personal and poignant points of view that arise in everyday life.
I started dating my girlfriend right before the pandemic lockdown began. We had an amazing and unique experience of getting to know each other, and what I love the most about her is that she’s driven, intelligent and goal-oriented, but now I am questioning the future of our relationship.
She is a nonprofit founder and also works in corporate sales and marketing. All she does is work hard and make time for me, which I thoroughly enjoy. She comes from a two-parent home where her parents held very traditional roles. Before retiring, her father paid all the bills, and her mother kept up the home and took care of her, whereas I’m used to a one-parent home but desire to be the provider in my relationship.
We live together now and are renting a house, but before making that move, she was living with her parents “rent-free” in a brownstone in Brooklyn and had become accustomed to keeping her entire paycheck to do what she wished. We are currently house hunting and having serious discussions about coming up with down payment money for the purchase.
I will be paying the mortgage and other major bills, and she will handle a few of the utilities. Initially, we agreed we would split the down payment, but then she started making excuses about why she wouldn’t be able to help. I didn’t make a big deal about it because I pride myself on being a provider when it comes to my woman. Finally, two weeks ago, we found the perfect home and put an offer on the table.
Last weekend, we went to her parents’ house for a family gathering, and her mother made a comment that completely blew my mind. She asked if the $25,000 they gave both of us was going to be enough for a down payment on the house that we liked.
I looked at my girlfriend, awaiting her response. I was verbally stuck and totally in shock as this was the first I was hearing of this. She told her mom, “We’ll work it out,” as nonchalantly as ever. Her mother smiled at me sweetly, and I smiled back, but inside I was fuming. When we left the event, the car ride home was tense, to say the very least, and by the time we got to our place, we were in a full-blown argument. She had the nerve to tell me that the $25,000 her parents gifted us for our down payment on a home was going to be used for her little candle-making hobby/business.
The point she continued to make was that the money came from her parents so it was technically her money. I had no idea she subscribed to the ideology that ‘your money is my money, and my money is my money.’
Meanwhile, I have secured a second job to help prepare for the home purchase, I’ve been paying down my student loans (she doesn’t have any), and I have gone without upgrading my vehicle. I’m not complaining, and I don’t mind doing any of these things, but I’m starting to feel like I’m being used and undervalued.
My girlfriend just isn’t willing to compromise on any level, and it is raising all sorts of red flags for me and causing a huge disconnect between the two of us. I have begun to wonder if this is really the type of woman that’s going to be down for me if times get tough. If we get into a bind as a couple, will she leave me high and dry to manage all of the expenses on my own?
Should I expose her and call it quits, or put an offer on a home that I can afford to handle on my own?
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