Trending Topics

‘Women Should Learn a Few Things from Gold Diggers’: New York Dating Coach Explains Why Men Who Ask Women to Split the Bill on Dates Are Disrespectful 

Refusing to go Dutch on a date allows women to keep their “dignity” and avoid bad experiences with men, says dating coach Ella Freimann.

Ella Friemann who serves up dating advice on her TikTok to more than 20,000 followers says women can learn from gold diggers and should never split the bill on dates.

Ella Friemann (Instagram/Ella Friemann)

“By splitting the bill, I’m agreeing to form a connection with a man who doesn’t know his role in a relationship and expects me to be 50 percent of the man he’s not,” Freimann told “I’ve learned that men who split the bill don’t value the time and effort a woman puts into herself to look her best for that man.”

The 24-year-old New York-based influencer who is in a relationship offers women one-on-one advice about dating. Friemann says she has helped other women turn their dating lives around. She attributes her ideologies about dating to growing up in a home where her father provided financially for her stay-at-home mother.

The influencer said her beliefs about dating and her online persona cause some people to label her a “gold digger,” but she doesn’t necessarily see it as an insult.

“If you haven’t been called a Gold Digger at least 3X times in your life than (sic) your standards are too low,” Freimann wrote in a caption on a TikTok video.

She said the term normally refers to a “money-hungry” woman but has been thrown around to apply to a woman who expects her partner to be “financially stable and provide for her.”

“Sadly, there’re a lot of men who are frustrated with their lives, they are not financially stable, and that makes them deeply insecure,” she added. “Also, I feel like women should learn a few things from gold diggers, they always ask for what they want.”

The dating coach says any man that would suggest that a woman split the bill on a date is not serious about his role in a potential relationship and as well as a man who suggests a coffee date.

“Coffee dates are disrespectful to women and a waste of time. It says a lot about a man’s intentions with that woman,” she said. “A man that proposes a coffee date doesn’t perceive you as worthy of his time and effort and probably is diversifying his money so he can date as many women as he can with the minimum effort.” 

Friemann said she has helped clients find stable partners who have provided for them and founded their businesses and gotten them the right attention from a good pool of men.

The New Yorker’s comments have made her a target for criticism, with some viewers of her TikTok videos calling her selfish and misogynistic. Some commenters went as far as to call Friemann derogatory terms and a prostitute. 

However, Friemann seemingly pays little attention to people’s perceptions of her.

“A woman with high standards in dating always makes sure that the man is able to provide for both, in case she doesn’t want to work,” she said. “I’ve seen women building their businesses and focusing on themselves while being provided for by a man.”

The Center gets to the heart of the lifestyle, parenting, relationship and finance conversations impacting the culture. 

Send us your letters to [email protected] and let us offer some perspective on how to navigate these conversations.

Back to top