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Raising The Erotic Stakes This Valentine’s Day Could Pay Off Big

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What do most Americans think of on Valentine’s Day? Is it the chocolates, or dinner out, is it an expensive gift like jewelry, or a cute pair of cufflinks?  Americans will shell out an average of $130.97 on those gifts and others, including cards, flowers, etc., according to the National Retail Federation.

How about a new way of celebrating Valentine’s Day this year? Instead of thinking about what to buy your lover/spouse, why not think of a new experience to share? Stepping out of the box of familiar dates, stereotypical conversation, and well-worn sexual routines allows people to experience themselves and their partners in a whole new way. I invite you to make a list of 3 things you have never done before and would be open to trying and ask your spouse or partner to do the same thing. It should be an activity that raises the stakes in the erotic department and may even make you a bit nervous. Why?

Because it’s only through pushing against the envelope of what you already know that you can transform yourself and your relationship. The combination of RISK + CREATIVITY brings out innovation and renewal in oneself, one’s relationships and one’s work. Think about the actor on a Broadway stage who performs 8 shows a week for years. That actor works on discovering some new emotional or physical nuance to their character to try out each performance, which is why the performance sparkles. In other words, they’re not dialing it in.

The things most long-term monogamous couples complain of when they come into my office for sex therapy include a weary boredom, frustration with a lackluster sex life and low libido. What I find though is that people think they know their partner inside and out and have gotten lethargic about making attempts to discover something new about them.

Couples tend to stick to the tried and true (both in and out of the bedroom) out of a desire to create a nest for children, reinforce the security of the relationship or a lack of self-esteem to go out on a limb and try something new.

Read more: Sari Cooper LCSW, PsychologyToday

 

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