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Orlando Jones: Traveling While Black in Bulgaria

I know, I know, it’s been a while. I’ve been traveling, I’ve been working and you’ve been cheating on me reading those other blogs. It’s okay, I don’t hate you as much as I hate myself for not writing.

So yes, I shot a movie in Bulgaria called Enemies Closer and now I’m back stateside. You can also catch me on Adult Swim’s new show Black Dynamite on Sundays or check out my new graphic novel action comedy Tainted Love.

But, before you do any of that, will one of you please explain to Bulgarian White People that you don’t just walk up to a Black man and touch his face. You don’t let little Bulgarian kids run over, bite my ankle and scream, “Ooo Chocolaten!” I missed my Americans. When time permits all White Americans must tell the more authentic White Bulgarians the rules —

Varna, Bulgaria

You can listen and dance to Black music. You can eat soul food or whatever kind of food Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles is… greasy coronary crudite, let’s call it. What you can’t do is walk up and touch a Black man’s hair. It’s not kosher, plus it’s weird. You don’t feed the animals at the zoo, do you?

It’s just not done.

Bulgaria was an emotional time. It was a good time. Hopefully, it’s great a movie. That’s the part I can never be sure about. I wish I could guarantee enjoyment. No matter how hard you try that trick remains elusive.

That said, I come to you bearing gifts… or maybe poison. It depends on your perception. I have traveled from Bulgaria to Paris to New York to San Diego (Comicon was awesome BTW) to LA to Dallas to Sag Harbor and back again in the last three weeks. Along the way I came up with my top 20 travel tips. Some witty, some not. Enjoy and I promise not to be disappear for so long.

Top 20 Travel Trips from Orlando Jones

1. At 30k feet compression shorts, socks and shirts are your friend – They wick away moisture, are anti-microbial for anti-stink, seamless (so there’s no chafe) and help increase oxygen and blood flow. (I prefer zensah to under armor)

2. Never Check – Don’t check any of the following your toothbrush, your prescription medications, your deodorant, your warm jacket, clean underwear, t-shirt and socks.

3. Avoid Jet Lag – When you arrive at your destination, no matter how tired…

Read more: Huffington Post

 

What people are saying

5 thoughts on “Orlando Jones: Traveling While Black in Bulgaria

  1. Dear Sir.Orlando Jones Аs a Bulgarian I can only tell you – Lying is embodiment of evil!

  2. This is the only country in Europe with saved Jews, Armenians and nobody helped this country in crisis , bulgarian people to suffer less.

  3. yeaaah….orlando, u stupid NIGGER.

  4. CHOKOLATEN is a German word as far as I know…

  5. basi tupaka toya!

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