When Vulnerability Can Be a Turn On in Dating

In dating, the important point is to try consciously to set your insecurities and self-consciousness aside and to present yourself as a whole picture – and that includes your strengths and weaknesses. Don’t get so caught up in seeming strong that you turn off your date. Most people actually find a little vulnerability incredibly attractive. Why? Because the person who admits a little vulnerability has let his or her guard down, and that creates an opening for an intimate and honest interaction. Plus, everyone has a little Inner Savior in them, which means that they like to protect and take care of someone else – on occasion.

If someone comes across as too strong, it almost seems as if they’ll never need anyone, but people need to feel needed. It’s not very appealing to imagine spending time with someone who is always happy, energetic, and confident. Most people have the occasional bad day, and that makes them real. Ultimately, that’s the goal in dating: to come across as real, and to be yourself, warts and all.

The truth is, the real you is going to come out eventually, no matter how hard you try to come across a certain way in the beginning of dating. Everyone needs to give themselves a break and stop trying so hard to please others and live up to what other people want them to be. For those of you who strive in dating to seem so strong, take a chance and let down some guards. Admit a little vulnerability, such as, admitting things you’re not good at or talking about what frustrates you. If you do so, you will feel more relaxed, and the person you’re dating will find you more attractive.

Source:  Seth Meyers and Katie Gilbert, Psychology Today

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