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Thursday, April 10th, 2014

In Relationships, We Often Get What We Deserve

20130302-153214.jpgAn invariably brilliant friend of mine wrote me this honest and funny observation about relationships.

“I always kind of chuckle when people say something about just wanting to get what they deserve or a person they deserve. I smile (sometimes I can’t keep the smile to myself) because I’m thinking,  ’Oh really? I’ll bet if you got what/who you really deserve you’d be shocked.’”

That could go either way. You could get a lot worse if you got what you deserved, or much better.

My friend went on to say, “I think most of us glorify ourselves and think what the other person ‘puts up with’ in us is not so bad; we’re mainly just charmers and sure, we might get cranky now and then, but who doesn’t? We see our behaviors in self-flattering ways.”

Some of us, on the other hand, are self-critical and don’t expect enough. You may be self-critical in some areas and too complacent in others.

I think we do get what we deserve — sometimes. If you have wonderful people in your life, you probably deserve them, but maybe you need to appreciate them more. Perhaps you can expand yourself in some way to give them more happiness.

If someone is treating you badly, that doesn’t mean you deserve to be treated badly forever. You probably need to change what you’re doing to provoke or allow that treatment, which may mean no longer accepting it.

Read more: Temma Ehrenfeld PsychologyToday

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