My life has done a total 180 in the past six months. I recently got divorced, my mother moved in with me and my daughter, and I started a new job. I never would have thought I would be facing so much change in such a short period of time, but hey, that’s life, I suppose. Of all the changes, the one I am having to adjust to the most is living under the same roof with my mother, believe it or not.
We’re very close, my mother and I, but we’re also very similar, so we tend to butt heads when it comes to certain issues. One of the issues that continues to come up and has been a thorn in my side is my mother’s tendency to spank my daughter. I have vivid memories of growing up and being hit with cords, shoes and tree branches. It was nothing for my mother to grab me up by the crook of my elbow and wear me out in the middle of a grocery store aisle in front of everyone.
Times have changed significantly, but my mother hasn’t. She feels as though I have become worn out on life and parenting. As a result, she feels that I am allowing my 6-year-old to get away with things that never would have gotten by my mother when I was coming up. I must admit that my softer parenting approach doesn’t seem to be helping much, as my daughter throws tantrums on a regular basis when things don’t go her way. But I don’t feel that physically disciplining her is working either.
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In talks with my therapist, I have expressed my concerns regarding my mother spanking my daughter, doling out heavy-handed licks that have even left marks here and there. I have demanded that my mother refrain from physically disciplining my daughter altogether, and she has agreed to do so.
My concern is that my daughter has not only been scarred physically but emotionally terrorized by my mother to the point that any further spanking can only do damage and not accomplish its intended purpose of correcting bad behavior.
Should I continue with my softer approach to parenting or allow my mother to discipline some while I also follow her style of discipline to some degree?
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