After my husband surprised me with divorce papers and then sold our family home out from under me, I was virtually left homeless with our two children. Of course, my mother took me and my two school-aged children in without a second thought. She had plenty of room and luckily, she lived around the corner from my ex-husband, so the kids didn’t have to be disrupted in terms of their schooling.
More than a decade and a half has passed, and my kids have moved out of the house, but I’m still there. I stayed for different reasons over the course of the time that has gone by. At times it was more financially sound for me to stay. At other times I was honestly just afraid to be on my own. But now, a new reason has surfaced, I’m engaged!
Instead of focusing on my fiancé and our upcoming wedding plans, I can only think about a comment my mother made several years back. She said, “Well, when it’s time for you to leave, I’m going with you.”
Well, the time has come for me to move on with my life, and I’m terrified that my mother is going to suggest that we’re a package deal. My fiancé has a five-bedroom home that I’ll be moving into that just so happens to have a mother-in-law suite, but I’m ready to cut the umbilical cord and be out on my own.
Last weekend, my mother softly broached the subject of selling her house and downsizing because she has no need for so much space any longer. When I didn’t bite, she flat-out came out and asked if we had room for her at my fiance’s house. I didn’t know what to say so I told her I would have to talk to him and see.
The thing is, my mother and I have been splitting bills since I moved in with her 12 years ago. When I leave, I fully intend to continue paying my portion of the bills because although she is able-bodied and of sound mind, she is still nearly 80 years old and I don’t want her to work. I have a brother and sister, but somehow the burden of our mother’s needs has fallen on me over the years.
Should I talk my fiancé into bringing my mother along with me for the ride or talk to my siblings about taking up some of the financial slack so my mother can stay in her own home until she’s at an age where she needs assistance?
The Center gets to the heart of the lifestyle, parenting, relationships and finance conversations impacting the culture. Convene here to express and share personal and poignant points of view that arise in everyday life.
Send us your queries to [email protected] and let our readers offer some perspectives on how to navigate these conversations.
