Since I can remember my sister has suffered from mental health issues. When we were growing up, she had major bouts of depression and anxiety and our parents were diligent about seeking treatment for her. I was always as supportive as I knew how to be but as we got older and she had her first child, postpartum depression did something that broke her, and she was unable to care for him properly.
Our family offered support as usual but this time things were different; she was completely incapable of being a mother, and something had to give. We had a family meeting when my nephew was 2 years old and decided that I would be given official guardianship. My sister was in agreement but lamented over the decision of course. I was nervous but had no time to get used to the idea and simply had to step up.
My nephew is now 8 years old, and I affectionately call him my son. When I’m considering getting into romantic relationships, and they ask if I have any children, I quickly retort by saying, just one son. I don’t even think of him as my nephew anymore and calling him son flows naturally. This is why I got the surprise of a lifetime when I attended his school’s open house last week.
Upon entering his classroom, I was greeted by his teacher and teacher’s aide as my son’s auntie. When I corrected them in front of my son and told them that I was his mom, he fired back saying, “No you’re not!”
I was embarrassed and mortified by the exchange. How could I have gotten it so wrong? I thought we had bonded on that level and were on the same page about how to refer to one another but apparently not.
That night I cried myself to sleep, realizing that my nephew still has allegiance to my sister although I have raised him all these years. His father is deceased, and he only sees my sister a couple of times a year, but I decided not to formally adopt him since his mother is still living.
I want to know if I should insist that my nephew call me mom or just pivot and adjust to his comfort level and be OK with Auntie.
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