The Center gets to the heart of the lifestyle, parenting, relationships and finance conversations impacting the culture. Convene here to express and share personal and poignant points of view that arise in everyday life.
I am in my mid-30s, and some might say I’m a ‘Momma’s Boy,’ but I prefer to think I just love my mother and am not ashamed to show it. Growing up, my mother was my everything — still is. My father wasn’t around so we grew a bond that became unbreakable.
A month ago, she popped up and surprised me at my house. I live in Texas, and she lives in Chicago. She’s been working as a nail tech for as long as I can remember. The COVID-19 pandemic proved devastating to her livelihood though. I began supplementing her income, paying bills at the salon and her house, and taking care of everyday comforts for her. Even though she’s had a steady boyfriend for 12 years, in large part, I feel like I’m doing the job he should be tackling.
Mom told me she would be staying for two weeks, but two weeks have slyly turned into a month, and she’s severely disrupting my lifestyle. Not only does she try to dictate what goes on in my household, but she also makes it uncomfortable for my girlfriend to come over. The last time my girl came by I wasn’t home, so my mother had time to really dig her nails in. She made a comment to my girlfriend, warning her against getting pregnant and stating that she has a life and will not be babysitting for us. My girlfriend was mortified and hasn’t been back since.
Also, recently, I spent $200 at the grocery store for a meal I thought was in celebration of my recent promotion, only to find out that mom’s boyfriend was coming to visit for Memorial Day Weekend, and the special meal was for him — the best steak, potatoes, asparagus, ribs and more. I didn’t realize he was staying with us until I saw his bags sitting by the door. Mom didn’t even bother to ask if it was okay with me.
Worst of all, but the time I got home from work, there was barely any food left. I had probably two ribs and some vegetables when I am a grown man.
At this point, I’m fed up and need my mother to go back home and get back to her life in Chicago. We just don’t have any boundaries, and she is able-bodied and can take care of herself. I make six figures, so money is really not an issue, but I’m paying my bills and keeping her house in Chicago caught up while she lives with me, making her presence more than known.
I feel guilty for wanting her to leave, and I know she’ll lay a guilt trip on me if I mention it. Also, I wouldn’t want to allow my mom to go into financial ruin when I have the ability to help her. Still, she’s getting in the way of my ability to make strides when it comes to getting closer to having a wife and my own family. And even when I do try to spend time with my girlfriend at her home, my mother is constantly calling me, claiming to need this, that and the other — generally resulting in my leaving, foregoing a Netflix-and-chill night.
I’m tired of paying bills in two locations, finding my cookware out of place, and having my mother burst into my bedroom when I’m having female company. I need my privacy and want my house back to myself.
Should I tell my mother to leave and risk bruising the relationship or suck it up and let her stay?
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