The cast for the upcoming season of “Dancing With the Stars” was announced this morning on “Good Morning America,” to a collective national yawn. The producers have undeniably recruited from the D-list, but not in a funny or ironic way. After sixteen seasons, there are only so many “celebrities” left who will agree to salsa on live television.
Here are the out-of-work entertainers and athletes that have signed up this season:
– Kellie Pickler, country singer and American Idol alumna (she came in 6th).
– Victor Ortiz, a professional boxer who once fought Floyd Mayweather, but has no other claim to fame.
– Wynonna Judd, once a fairly popular country star, but further proof that Dancing With the Stars producers had to travel all the way to Nashville for cast members.
– D.L Hughley, 1990s comedian most known for The Hughleys. Oh, and he once guest hosted Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? when Regis went on vacation.
– Zendaya Coleman of Disney’s Shake It Up, clearly a B-grade plea to the tween set. She is also known for her song, “Swag it Out.”
– Jacoby Jones, Baltimore Ravens wide receiver who played in the Beyonce concert also known as Super Bowl XLVII.
– Andy Dick, former comedian now full time lunatic, who will probably get arrested halfway through the season.
– Ingo Rademacher of daytime soap General Hospital, which is apparently also still on the air.
– Aly Raisman, who was captain of the gold medal-winning U.S. women’s gymnastics team last summer in London. One of the more interesting picks, but since Dancing is a show entirely riding on pop culture appeal…were McKayla Maroney and Gabby Douglas booked?
– Dorothy Hamill, former Olympic ice-skater. Again, The Olympics seem to be a theme. Why not go ahead and get Bruce Jenner?
– Lisa Vanderpump, of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and her Bravo spinoff Vanderpump Rules. Sadly, she is the most relevant star on the show.
The list just feels generic and tired. And in many cases, they settled for “the next best thing” when the A-lister wasn’t available. I gave Dancing With the Stars another chance last season when they made the bold choice to cast Chaz Bono, Cher’s openly transgender son. But now, it seems they’ve entirely lost their spunk.
Hopefully, cancellation is imminent.
